A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

He is risen. I am bloated. Try the lamb.

Well we had a wonderful Easter, thank you for asking.

The Easter baskets were a big hit:

And the kids didn’t seem to mind at all that the Easter Bunny brought them things like dental floss and cleaning supplies!

Well, actually, one kid didn’t appreciate the cleaning supplies, at first…

"Mom. Seriously. It's not funny. Where's the damn candy?"

But once he realized he could combine everything into a funky dress-up costume, he was cool with it:

Those nets (in Mini-Me’s hands and on Bucket Head’s head) are from the “Dollar Spot” at Target. The kids are so excited to have their own nets to catch critters outside. They just love lizards and bugs. Bless their hearts.

So that was 6 AM.

Damn kids. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually looking forward to the teen years. Maybe then I’ll get to sleep past daybreak for once.

Thus, between the lack of sleep, the shit load of jelly beans/cake/Easter Bread/pineapple pie/sugar cookies, and the glorious end of my Lenten promise to abstain from alcohol, I’m a bit of a bloated grumpy hot mess today.

Oh what fun you can have with an iPhone and a free iFatFace app. I should print that out and tape it to my refrigerator to remind me to put the chocolate bunny down and make some raw kale salad. Sheesh.

As an added bonus, all three of my kids are home from school today terrorizing me with their outrageous demands that I feed and clothe them. The nerve.

But before I stick my babies in front of a SpongeBob marathon while I “rest my eyes,” I absolutely MUST share the grilled leg of lamb recipe my husband rocked yesterday. I don’t usually care for lamb, and now I know why. Yesterday was the first time in my life that I ever ate properly prepared lamb!

It was SO good, I went back for seconds. And you should know that this grilled lamb was competing with my sisters-in-law’s homemade ravioli and meatballs (our Italian family tradition for Easter). So the fact that I would choose seconds of lamb over that? See what I mean? It was THAT good.

Here is the recipe. The Gatekeeper prepared it by the book and it was amazing. I sure hope I don’t have to wait a whole year to eat this again! Truly magnificent!

Okay SpongeBob, here we come, honey.


© Copyright 2011, The (Bloated) Bearded Iris


  1. Megan

    I was too ashamed to admit it before, but I actually own those slipper mopper things. I never, however, would have thought to put them in an Easter Basket. Good for you.

  2. Allysgrandma

    Oh honey, you should have seen our wild preEaster party on Saturday night where our drunken neighbor (who is a law enforcement official, otherwise known as a CHP officer) tried to “saber” a bottle of champagne he decided he had to have along with oysters and the thing blew up! I was videotaping and it is on my Facebook. HAHA, then I got so sick and missed church, could not figure out why until I realized that darn colonoscopy prep cleaned me out so much I had not pooped for 4 days! A little Milk of Magnesia and I was fine….I did listen to Catholic radio mass though, does that count? In fact I even prayed the rosary at 8:00 p.m. and again this morning at 6:30a.m…..along with the radio!

  3. Martha (MM)

    Oh yeah, the teen years are awesome! I still tell the kids things like take the freakin’ x-box in your room at midnight and don’t come out again or the big scary 7 foot tall bunny might be hopping around the house and get you if you come out!

    This year my 13 year old (my youngest) asked me very seriously to tell him the truth – if the Easter bunny and Santa are real or not. You have to be freakin’ kidding me?!!! I think I’ve pulled this stuff off way to well over the years – and the older ones never actually asked but I’m pretty sure they were even a little older when they really knew for sure!

    Cheers! 🙂

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