A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Blessings Abound

Saturday afternoon was my daughter Mini-Me’s First Holy Communion.

It was an absolutely spectacular day filled with more blessings than I can count.

And today, two days later, I am still filled with such enormous gratitude and wonder, that words are failing me.

Why yes, I do still have PMS. How’djyaknow? Stay away from my chocolate, bitch.

But I know you’re dying for some details, so I think I’ll just give you a quick rundown in the form of a list. Here it is…

My Top Ten Reasons Why Saturday Rocked:

10. My husband, The Gatekeeper, cleaned the kitchen within an inch of its life Saturday morning. It was spotless and the counter tops were freakishly clutter-free. I don’t even care that I’ll be spending the next three weeks trying to find all the shit he stashed.

9. I never got around to ordering a cake for the party. But lo and behold, there was a chocolate quarter sheet cake with buttercream frosting at Publix Saturday afternoon just waiting for us to add “Congratulations Mini-Me.” Thank you, Publix, for planning ahead for mothers like me who don’t.

8. My friend Kathy who met me for a quick cuppa coffee on Friday and made me feel less guilty about not having any decorations or party favors: “Mini-Me is your decoration!”

7. Coming home from mass to a house that was not burned to the ground after I accidentally left my curling iron plugged in and resting on the edge of the bathtub. The worst part? It dawned on me as we were on our way TO the church, “Did I unplug the curling iron? Oh my God, I don’t think I did!”  So I had to sit through the entire mass with the most loquacious priest ever, sweating more than I usually do, wondering and praying and trying my damnedest to not let the undercurrent of panic prevent me from being fully present. It. Was. Torture.

6. Seeing my lovely daughter all clean and gorgeous and truly excited about receiving this special sacrament.

5. Eating my sister-in-law’s homemade Italian cooking and listening to the golden silence of all our guests as they reveled in the deliciousness.

4. Having Mini-Me’s best friend from her preschool (who we don’t get to see nearly enough) arrive for the party in her prettiest dress and bearing the heartfelt gift of an “Angel of Best Friends” figurine.

3. The weather was perfect and The Rapture didn’t occur after all, which would have been a real buzz kill. Nothing spoils a party faster than fire and brimstone. Well, that and my crazy drunk uncle who likes to ignite his farts with a cigarette lighter. He wasn’t invited though.

2. Miraculously completing the slideshow (with only minor technical difficulties) as my gift to Mini-Me, even though my laptop went haywire after several routine software upgrades last week and I haven’t been able to use iTunes or iPhoto since. Listening to our guests roar with laughter upon seeing dozens of pictures of Mini-Me covered in makeup, and pudding, and finger paint, all to the tune of Superfreak, was music to my exhausted ears.

1. Receiving the certified letter from the county Saturday afternoon right before we left for church stating the verdict of Ike’s dog-bite hearing last Thursday night: NOT GUILTY!

So, in summary, God is good, and I am grateful.

Thank you for being here and sharing the journey with me!

yours truly,


© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.


  1. Julie

    Because of my juvenile sense of humor, I read a lot of cynical crap every day, so it’s great to see a post about thanksgiving, and to read that God is indeed good.

  2. Kris

    Praise the Lord! I’m glad things went so well.

    And by the way, in the third photo of Mini-Me in her white dress I see a celebrity doppelganger….I think she looks like Toni Collette. Do you see it???

  3. Sue from Livin In Duckville

    Congratulations on the blessings all ’round!!!

    Have you ever thought of getting a timer for your curling iron? You know… like those ones that they have for lights? I don’t know… just a thought… I don’t use a curling iron, or a blow dryer… or a comb…. My hair is short & I just wash it & spike it every morning.

    So glad your weekend was great!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh the timer is a great idea, Sue. I bet most better quality curling irons have an auto-off feature. But mine is cheap and I hardly ever use it. Truly, I am a huge spaz about many things, but I’m not usually one to leave fire hazards plugged in. This was a one time deal – I promise! 🙂

  4. Megan

    So pretty.

  5. Kate Yarris

    So beautiful! Sometimes we are granted many blessings at once… or just the ability to filter the crap out in our brains so that we can truly see and appreciate the good things around us. The best part is that you do it with a wonderful sense of humor! I love it! You are hilarious and have started my day on a great note. Thank you.

  6. Bernie Bickers

    I though Johnnie Cochran’s summation in Ike’s case really made the difference – “If the leash does not fit, you must acquit!” So when do you sue the brown pants off of UPS? 🙂

    Congrats on all your happiness-es, big & small. And a smack upside the head to you if your curling iron was not plugged into an outlet with its own ground fault protection circuit (the ones with the reset button in the middle). Could save someone’s life.

    Was that your uncle I sat next to at the wedding? Tell him he still has my Zippo.

  7. Ann Adams

    She looks lovely and nothing can make us count our blessings like seeing our children receive the body of Christ for the first time. I’m glad your house didn’t burn down, the food was delicious, your uncle didn’t show and/or blow, and that pesky rapture didn’t happen but most of all Ike is a free man-dog! Woof, woof, woof!

  8. Heather

    I don’t even have PMS and you brought a tear to my eye! She’s looks adorable. Glad it was such a wonderful day!!

  9. Allysgrandma

    Just think though, if the rapture had happened (after everyone had asked forgiveness during the ceremony of course), it seems like you would have been a huge hit in heaven timing Mini-Me’s first communion and party afterwards! Maybe all the food and alcohol would have come too and we could have had an even bigger party, you know loaves and fishes and all that! I think DH would have done anything to get out of that hospital bed on Saturday, even if it took the rapture!

  10. jane

    The pictures are just lovely and she looks so happy. Although she always does in your pictures. I love the twinkle in her eye.
    It is always good to count our blessings-no matter how much PMS has a hold of us. I am wrangling with PMS today and trying so hard to count the reasons why things are good. I’m not quite there but you definitetly added to the list!!

  11. oneshabbychick

    Yay! So many wonderful things. So glad Ike was exonerated! Your mini-me is a beauty – no surprise. Congrats to all!

  12. Sage

    She’s an angel. Congrats!

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