A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Technical Difficulties

The computer I’m using to write this today is making a grinding noise while I type. That can’t be good.

And it is SO slow that I can click on a link, get up to refill my coffee, switch the laundry, yell at the kids, and return to the computer just in time to watch the link finish loading. That’s an abnormally slow computer, right?

It’s my 6 year old dinosaur PC. I’m only using it because my Mac PowerBook is dying a slow death and I have not yet figured out how to transition to the new-to-me Mac laptop that has been sitting in a box next to my desk for several months. Pathetic. If you look up the word “procrastinate,” you will surely see a picture of me napping, or drinking wine from a helmet with two straws.  

These are the kinds of technical difficulties that make me want to pluck out my eyeballs and stomp on them. All I want to do is write… not mess around with uncooperative technology, or housework, or parenting.

And the thought of possibly losing nearly 14,000 photos which are currently trapped on my dying laptop is making my throat close up.

So I’m writing to seek your forgiveness and patience as I wrastle all my technology into submission. Because, you see, I’m about as stubborn as my wiry chin hair and I WILL figure this out. You wait and see. And when I do, hold onto your mo-frankin’ hats, because I am on a roll and I see good things in my future. (That’s called visualization. I’ll let you know if it works later.)

So here’s my plan…

Step one: make an appointment with the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.

Step two: not sure.

Step three: go to a Memorial Day barbecue with some fun people.

Step four: cocktails.

Step five: _____________________________________
                                      (insert your advice here).

Now go back up your photos.

Happy Memorial Day, friends!



  1. Katybeth Jensen Ruscitti

    This does not compute…you have had a new in the box Mac sitting next to your desk for several months?? That makes me want to fix a drink–root beer float please. Your young the genius in the ripped jeans will be your friend go forth to the Apple store.

    I do understand about the photos—mine are a complete mess. I just backed them all up on the apple hard drive thingie and hunt for what I need; which is a much better diversion than pulling scotch tape off the ceiling when I am procrastinating writing.

    Ok my hand is firmly on my “mo-frankin’ hat” because I’m sure you are on a roll and the future is going to start to fly real soon!

    It’s Mint Julep day! Cheers!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hi Katybeth! Sorry for the delayed response… just fished this out of my spam! The nerve! How rude of my computer! Please accept my apologies.
      Oh listen honey, I can procrastinate about something that scares me until the cows come home. New technology scares me!!

      Sorry I missed Mint Julep day! Belated Cheers!

  2. Heather

    Our pc crashed a year ago and we lost every digital photo taken of my youngest daughter… we are going to have to tell her she was born @ 5 years old… Hope your technology woes get worked out soon!!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh Heather, the heartache! You poor thing!
      We had a different computer die 18 months ago with all our Flip Videos of Bucket Head as a baby on it. They had never been backed up. They are gone forever now. That was the same day I bought a portable hard drive to backup our other computer. So sad. Live and learn, right?

      • Heather

        Sad, indeed. These days our PC is basically just a large portal for all of our external junk – hard drives, dvd drive (’cause that shit the bed, too)… DAMN YOU, TECHNOLOGY!!!

  3. Bernie Bickers

    You ungrateful @#$%^&! Without “uncooperative technology, or housework, or parenting” where would Bearded Iris go for all her best material!?!?!?


    • The Bearded Iris

      um… my inlaws? Or local biting wildlife? My feet? The PTA? Yeah, nice try. But no. I will always find something. Always. Technology will not win. I will win.

      On a side note… today we were driving to the Apple Store and there was a commercial on the radio for Laser Hair Removal. At the end of the commercial Mini-Me shouted “NO! Mom, DO NOT do that. You need your beard. Without it you would just be The Iris, and that would be boring!” So I’ve got that going for me.

      • Kris

        I think I just peed a little cause the laser hair comment made me laugh so hard. Priceless.

  4. Heidi

    See, I’d help you but I find myself unable to list steps in a process without becoming the smart-ass who says
    Step 1. You cut a hole in the box….

    Seriously, though. You don’t have to take it anywhere. You can save your photos for less money than the Geek Squad charges. Buy an external hard drive and copy everything you want to save, to that. Then, when your computer dies, your stuff is safe. Happened to me, and that’s what we did, and consequently all of our Baby Bean photos are still with us. Good luck!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Step 2: put your junk in that box!

      I do have an external hard drive, praise Jeeezus!!! Good thing I started using it last week when I suspected the worst. Good God Almighty, I will NOT let this be a roadblock. I will triumph, technology!! You can’t keep a good woman down (without her consent.)

  5. Allysgrandma

    Or use Carbonite like me! Really it would be horrible to lose the pictures of my children and now grandchild. And it worked too when I bought a new PC a year ago to reload all my stuff back on.

    The other thing, if you don’t hurry up and get the new power book up and running, it will be obsolete!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hmmm, will have to research the Carbonite thing. I do have a portable drive that has a current backup of everything, so that’s good!!! So true about the planned obsolescence thing. Disgusting.

  6. Martha (MM)

    The exact thing recently happened to me. I was trying to wait until we moved to set up my new computer but my old one had all my photos and I didn’t even have enough space left on it for it to function enough to backup them up unless I did them one by one. I finally just started using the new one – the old one is waiting next to my desk with all the photos still on it until I have time to do something about it. All I can say is good luck! Let’s have a drink and not worry about it for now 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh Martha… if I were you, I would PAY some young stinky college kid to do it for you. Don’t wait. Your heart will be broken if you keep putting it off and when you try to do it (eventually), you can’t for whatever reason. Don’t wait. Do it, THEN reward yourself with a drink. I think there are places like Staples where you can just drop off your computer and have them transfer all the pics to DVDs or a portable hard drive. Good luck! I’ll be waiting for you to update me so we can have that celebratory drink together!

  7. Megan at declutterdaily

    Good luck with that. Went through it 8 months ago. Backing up photos-now.

  8. Megan at declutterdaily

    Also, I got no ‘scuses. I just need to go write. :0

    • The Bearded Iris

      Yay! Write. Write. Write. I love your writing. You make me laugh!

2 Pingbacks

  1. The Apple Genius Bar: BYOB (Bring Your Own Boobs) | The Bearded Iris
  2. That’s what she said. | The Bearded Iris

© 2022 The Bearded Iris

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑