A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Shall we dance?

Here’s something you might not know about me: I LOVE to dance. 

And the way I see it, if you love doing something, you’re automatically good enough at it to just go ahead and put it out there, Devil may care.

So when my friend Kerry from the stylish and hilarious blog HouseTalkN challenged invited a few of her friends to make videos showcasing our favorite dance moves, I jumped at the chance to join in the fun.

I don’t care how depressed you are, if you put on your fanciest get-up and start dancing in your kitchen, people will just show up and join you. And it’s really hard to feel down in the dumps when your whole family is shaking their money makers to The Commodores.

So here’s my contribution to Kerry’s Dance Challenge. I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed making it!

To see the rest of the Dance Challenge Vlogs, please visit these fine ladies. I recommend you empty your bladder first unless you are wearing a fresh Poise Pad. Holy moly!


Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

Angela Shelton

And don’t forget, you only have three more days to vote for your favorite Top 25 Funny Moms. Just click this link and then click the “thumbs up” sign next to your favorite bloggers. You can vote once every 24 hours until March 21st for as many bloggers as you wish. Thank you!

with lots of endorphins and glitter,



  1. Ali

    Are you available to go to my cousin’s wedding with me in Philadelphia in May? My husband (although still quite the looker) has turned into a really lame wedding date. He doesn’t even know the Pit Check. I just realized that I’ve really been missing out. And the belly roll? His is more like a case of Kaiser Rolls.

    • The Bearded Iris

      YES! Count me in. I love weddings! Should I wear my vintage pantsuit?

  2. Shira

    Iris, thanks for this hilarious trip to Funkytown! I appreciated the refresher on key dance moves, but nowhere did I spot the “white man’s overbite” via the MixMaster move. Maybe the Gatekeeper kept this one to himself offscreen? Great performances from mini-me and buckethead too! 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris

      Haha! Love the “white man’s overbite!” Is the MixMaster like a “stir the pot” kind of move? If so, yes, I love that one and do it often! But I had to really be ruthless with my cutting to get it from over 45 minutes to just around 3 minutes. We’ll just have to go dancing in real life with Nora sometime!

  3. Carrie


    Oh, my God. I’m crying. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying and also crying a little because that makes me miss you and I don’t even know you to miss you!

    And I pee’d when Bucket Head did that belly roll!!

    I gotta go watch it again!! This is a friggin highlight of my life!

    I love you more now than ever!

    • Kristy

      OMG Carrie!! You got a “shout out” 😉

      This is soo freaking funny!! Holy crap!! I’ve shown daughter number 2 so far and she ’bout died!!

      Ok… I’m going watch it again (for the thousandth time!) BEST EVAAA!!!

      • The Bearded Iris

        Aw shucks you guys! Love you both too! What are we going to do tonight without our quality Bachelor time?

  4. Jennifer Baker

    The belly wave killed me!! Haha!!

  5. Becky Holmes

    Great idea! I just watched all the videos. Thanks for a great afternoon break! I have to say, I like yours best.

    • Sasha

      Yup, gotta agree. Yours was by far the best and funniest. Of course, it’s hard to compete with a poked eye and a belly roll. Not to mention the pantsuit. Yup, girl, you rock.

  6. Jennifer

    Wow, I think I just learned some new moves!!!

  7. Famous SpokesGoat Pricilla

    Oh wow! You guys are good.
    If I had know I would have broken out the goat dance of joy!

    I think I might have seen parts of it in your vlog…….

  8. Daryce

    Outstanding! Thanks for the chuckle.

  9. By Word of Mouth Musings

    Comments from my house …
    1. is that like a Mom?
    2. the brother is weird, he is like an alien.
    3. hahahaha she lost an eye
    4. so this is like old old music
    5. and what is she wearing …
    They just don’t get it, this younger uninformed generation 😉

    • The Bearded Iris

      OMG, kids! I trust you set ’em straight, Nicole! But in case you need any help with answers, here’s mine:

      1. I am not LIKE a mom. I am a mom. Three times over.
      2. The brother is not weird, he’s talented. But he DID look like an alien when he was born, so I get it.
      3. I didn’t actually lose my eye. But why do kids think that’s funny?! It’s the AFV generation for sure.
      4. Yes, old old music from way back in the 70s.
      5. I am wearing a vintage pantsuit that I bought at the Goodwill in 1988. It was vintage THEN, so I imagine it is Roadshow Antiques worthy now. It’s stretchy, or I never would have been able to squeeze into it. And it stinks. PU!

  10. Delilah

    Oh My Gah. I think I just tinkled on myself. That was hysterical. I already told Kerry that I’m stalking her and now I think I’m stalking you too. Thanks for the laugh today!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thanks Delilah! I am going to meet Kerry in person this June and if I have my say, I’ll be taking her straight to the nearest hardware store for some dancin’!

      • Delilah

        Well I fully expect you to capture that on video and post it immediately for our amusement!

        • The Bearded Iris

          But of course! I hope she brings some bail money, that’s alls I’m sayin’.

          • Delilah

            I’m sure we can all chip in and take up a collection to post your bail if necessary. But if we’re ponyin’ up the dough for bail, there’s gonna have to be a pole in that dancin’ video.

  11. Sarah

    Oh. My. Goodness…

    That reminds me of the scene in Hitch when he teaches Kevin James to dance.


    Seeing as how that may be the funniest scene ever, I have to say again, “I think I love you.”

    • The Bearded Iris

      OMG, I LOVE that scene and actually did a little “use the q-tip, throw it away” move but it didn’t make the final cut!! Kevin James makes my knees weak! So funny! Thank you for comparing my dancing to his. LOVE THAT!

  12. Mere

    Oh my god, Iris. I think I should just close my laptop right now, because I’m not going to find anything better on the Internetz today. Please congratulate Mini-Me on her deoculation skills, Bucket Head for his Fabulous Alien Belly Dance, and Mr. Beard on doing that twirly-thing during which we ladies always end up thrown against a wall.

    • The Bearded Iris

      “deoculation skills”!! Hahaha! Yes, she’s got great aim, that girl. 🙂 Thanks for watching and enjoying it so much, Mere!

  13. Bernie Bickers

    Wow – takes me back to your old days of shakin’ your groove thang at Club Metropole to Black Box & C&C Music Factory. I think you used to do Bucket Head’s move back then too…

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh my GOD, those were the GOOD OL’ DAYS, Bernie. We use to burn that mother down… {sigh}

  14. Kris the Colts Fan

    Now I wanna dance. You look awesome by the way. Your arms are in great shape! I’d have to wear long sleeves to hide the jiggle.

    • The Bearded Iris

      You are too kind, Kris! I try to harness the power of my arm jiggle like a judo master. I find if I get my triceps flapping in rhythm with the music, the jiggle gets camouflaged. Try it. It works! Now go dance. It feels great!

  15. julie gardner

    My sister LOVES to dance so I had to send this to her…

    …along with the link for “Funky Town: Population Me” so she could really appreciate allllll your moves.

    And hygiene.
    You make my day.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Well yep, those are pretty much allllll my moves, so if she sees those, she’s on the fast track to Funkytown. And speaking of stank, I have not worn that pantsuit in 20 years and it still smells like teen spirit.

  16. Megan at declutterdaily


  17. Crystal

    I freakin love you!! Thanks for the laugh on a Monday!! Of course, every time you have a new post, I get to laugh. You are wonderful! The dancing is fabulous!

  18. Kristy

    Holy SHIT I am DYING!!! That was one of the FUNNIEST vlog dances EVAAAA!!!!


    We are gonna KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS at Haven missy!! ‘;)

  19. Angela Shelton

    OMG you are hilarious! The dance moves are priceless! I say we do that again and use some of your moves!

  20. Amanda Andrus

    Oh my goodness Iris!! I loved the moves that you showcased. It was great to see your family joining in and they had some great moves too. That bellyroll gets me every time. Sorry about the eye. You know that you are having way too much fun when someone gets injured.

  21. Kate

    I’m not sure which part of that I loved the most! I think I have a 4 way tie: The pantsuit, the “Funkytown”, the Belly Wave, and the eye-poke. 🙂 Thanks for making my afternoon. Oh, and you have way more coordination than me… you would not want to see my dance moves! Though I rock at weddings with an open bar! Jus’ sayin’.

  22. laura

    just watched with my boys and no contest, Iris rocked it out! Their favorite was the belly wave!!!! mini me is adorable. 🙂

  23. laura

    we also loved the cat coming in on cue in the beginning!

    • The Bearded Iris

      The black tail thing? That’s the dog, Ike. Gracie the cat does NOT like to dance. Ike usually doesn’t either…he typically barks and jumps up on us when we dance, so I really have no idea why he was so well behaved today. Maybe he knew the camera was rolling! 🙂

  24. Lady Estrogen

    I don’t know what’s more awesome – your dancing or your culotte jumper!
    Rock on, sista!

  25. Karine


    I love the ballroom-like moves from Mr. Beard (and you, of course), it was so sweet… is it rude to say that it brought back happy memories of my childhood, like when my parents used to dance together???

    Also love BH’s belly wave and Mini-You’s eye-gouging abilities!

    Keep grooving Beard family!

    • The Bearded Iris

      You’re so sweet to mention the Mister. That will make him very happy! We took an East Coast Swing class together (twice, actually), but we’re very rusty. We need to practice more! And no, not rude at all…we LOVE the idea of being “those dancing parents.” My husband has really happy memories of his parents dancing in his kitchen when he was a child and he always said he wanted to be just like them someday. SCORE! Thanks Karine!

      • Kristy

        Ok..so I love the whole “we wanna be THOSE parents”!! But I do have to admit… when I saw the mister show up~ I about bust a gut bc HE looks like he’s a funny as YOU! I was like “holy cow, she got her hubs involved too!!”

        You are the kind of freighbors (friends/neighbors) we would LOVE to have!!! Where do you live again?!?! 😉

        And yes… I am comment stalking today! What of it?!

        • The Bearded Iris

          Oh no, he’s the “straight-man” in our arrangement, the Ricardo to my Lucy. But he does love to cut a rug with me! (Praise Jesus!) Funny you should mention; the house next door is for sale! We’re in the suburbs north of Atlanta. COME ON DOWN!

  26. Jen


    Sorry for yelling, I just get really excited about dancing.

    Please tell me that you are going to BlogHer this year?! I would not only love to meet you but also burn up the dance floor with you.

    LOVED the video.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Squeeee! Another dancing sister!!! YES!! No, sadly I am not going to BlogHer this year. My ankle bracelet alerts the authorities if I leave the county. 😉

      But truthfully, I’m really intimidated by the idea of a blog conference that big. And in New York City?! Double whammy! I’m just not ready for that level of intensity. Maybe next year. And if so, you bettah save a spot on your dance card for me, Beeeyotch! We will TEAR IT UP!

      • Jen

        Oh there will always be a spot on my dance card for you.

        And have you heard of Bloggy Bootcamp from SITS? It’s a smaller blogging conference that is located all over the country. It’s a good place to start and I may be a couple of those.

        And girl, suck it up and go to a conference. 😉

        • The Bearded Iris

          I am going to Haven in June! It’s here in Atlanta! It will be the perfect intro conference for me, I just know it! But thanks for the Bloggy Bootcamp idea. I’m just not sure where I fit — I’m not really a beginner, but I’m not mentally ready for the big leagues either. So I dance…

          • Jen

            Um, bloggy conferences are not about education… they are about socialization and hanging out with friends.

            At least that is why I go.

          • The Bearded Iris

            Oh, well then definitely count me OUT. I’m much better online than in person. 🙂

  27. Danielle

    OMG!! I love me some belly wave ! If my abs weren’t ruined by my offspring I’d work that move at every dance party!

  28. Jill

    Love the jumpsuit. Love Jive talking. Love that Mini-Me has actually skilz. Love that we got to see your family in all your goofiness. Where was nature boy? I guess 13 yr old boys don’t dance.

  29. Sharon Hines

    So, so fun! Kerry knew the right people to invite to this dance. I love that the whole family joined in….reminds me of my family before my daughter turned 13 and is now embarrassed by my dancing…even in private. Haha.

    Sharon @ mrs. hines class

  30. Jessica

    SO relieved you referred to that outfit as a vintage pant suit in the comments, I was a little concerned, you just never know what us bloggers who hide behind computers consider fashion.
    Pit check by far my favorite.

  31. LizzieM

    The scene: My office on a Tuesday morning. Laptop open, coffee nearby. The Bearded Iris cued up
    Me: “What is that crazy gal up to this morning? Let’s see”
    Me: Howling in laughter at the pantsuit, the pit check and bucket head’s belly roll which knocked me off my desk chair…
    A co worker walks in to my office…
    Co worker: “What is the matter with you? Why are you crying?” Accusingly, “Are you watching the Bearded Iris AGAIN?????”
    Getting predictable I am afraid…Screaming laughter with tears, means the Bearded Iris is up to no good!

  32. Abby

    Best. Robot. Ever.

    Also, when I’m finally blessed with children, I hope to be the awesome mom that you are (Read: Convince my children to dance with me in a video blog.)

  33. Karin

    That was epic. You rocked that pantsuit, gurl.

  34. Jen

    You rock…I seriously think I’m in love!! hahah

  35. Karin

    Oh, and thanks for the intro to these other hilarious ladies! I love finding new blogs to read! 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris

      You’re welcome, honey. They are fabulous! You will love them. Enjoy!

  36. Heather Novak


    • The Bearded Iris

      Are you asking where I got it? Or if “jumpsuit” is the appropriate name for such a spectacular outfit? Not sure I know how to answer your delightfully succinct question…

  37. Jennifer

    You are the raddest person ever. I think my love for you just like quadrupled. And Mini-me? Mini raddest person ever. And Bucket Head? COME ON!!!!!!!

  38. Elaine A.

    I was MOST impressed with your moves until I saw what your son did!! HA HA HA! How DOES he do that?

    Hope your eye is okay! ;D

    • The Bearded Iris

      Yes, my eye is just fine – thank you for asking! Isn’t that belly wave incredible?! I have no idea how he even discovered he can do that, but he’s been doing it for about a year now. Blows us away every time! What can I say, we are just a very multitalented family. 😉

  39. Becca

    Iris I am new to your blog and I have to say I wish I would have found it sooner!! You totally made me laugh and actually made me wanna get up and try a few of those moves out myself. You rock and I’m sure your kids are proud to call you mom!!! Looking forward to many more posts from you!

    • The Bearded Iris

      WOW Becca! That’s awesome! What a sweet thing to say. You are very welcome here. I’m glad you found me and hope you’ll stay and play for a long time!

  40. Tiffany

    Oh Iris! You slay me!

  41. Ellen at Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

    In case you were wondering, you can NOT watch that video without dancing. My girls were doing the belly wave with Buckethead. I think we’ve got ourselves a traveling road show.
    And, BTW, shut the front door that you can fit into a pantsuit from 1988. Stretchy my foot. You were rocking more than your sprinkler. Ellen

  42. Time with Tracy

    WHY am I just now watching this? I’m late to the party, but I must say, that was a brilliant overview of all the dance moves I perfected in the basement of Beta Theta Pi in college. No doubt you were in the spotlight at many parties! Teach me Yoda! On a different note, for my birthday each year I get a group of girlfriends together and we go out dancing and act like fools while pretending we’re still in our twenties. You HAVE to come next year. I will do this until I die. Much love to you my friend!

  43. Terrie

    Iris, were you in the rowdy, joyful dancing crowd at the Springsteen concert last Sunday night?! I swain, not a soul sat down ’til the Boss was back at his hotel and safely in bed. There may have been a few grey hairs at the Phillips Arena that evening, but the dancing ~ Oh! The dancing we did in the dark…on Thunder Road…down by the River….when we were all “just seventeen” again for a night.
    (*With Atlanta Love from a New Reader / New Friend xoxo)

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hi, Terrie! No – I was not there…sadly. It sounds like it was a blast though! Thunder Road is my ALL-TIME favorite Bruce song! Followed closely by Down by the River. I saw him in Pittsburgh when I was a teenager about 25 (OMG!) years ago. His concerts are so dance-worthy!

      Welcome to The Bearded Iris! I love my Atlanta girls!

  44. Jena

    This was great. Love the dance moves. When buckethead started the belly waves, I was glad I wasn’t drinking anything! 😉 I laughed so hard I think I scared my dog! Thanks for the fun times. Your blog keeps me in stitches! (and makes me feel a bit better about my parenting skills) <3

  45. Mommy Shorts

    I don’t know if I am more impressed with the dancing, the pants suit or the fact that your kids participated. Well done all around.

  46. Rebekah

    Adorable – you are.

  47. Fae Mama

    Ilu. Just sayin. I found you through circle of moms and I most definately needed a smile.

  48. Stacey

    I absolutely love it!! I was going to tell you that I was in high school when Brick House was popular … we bumped the night away. So glad to see y’all bumping!

  49. Stephanie A.V. Jones

    Lol omg this was so funny. I actually laughed at this video! It was so cute and that belly wave?! SICK! Haha, cute. Glad u had fun making it, i had fun watching!

  50. gigi

    SO super cute! 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thanks for stopping by, Gigi! 🙂

  51. Erin @ Sassin' Southern Style

    I love this! I love that you also still have your jumpsuit from back in the day. Right? RIIIIIGHT?

  52. paul

    Where to even start? You’re my kind of crazy. Love that you got the kids involved too. (even if you did almost lose an eye)

  53. Steph

    Ummm, all fun and games, yes… which made me wonder:

    Is it wrong to walk up to a person with an eyepatch and ask… Was it all fun and games ’til that point?

    • Steph

      Woops, meant to link this pic!

    • The Bearded Iris

      OMG. Ouch. Never thought about that! Now I feel bad. Way to trample my joy. Thanks. 😉

  54. GK Adams

    The, “pit check?” I actually snorted. I’d love to spend a day with you and your family! You’re hilarious!

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