A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Do you or does someone you love suffer from Mispronunciationitis?

Okay, fine. I just made that word up.

But basically, I’m referring to someone who has trouble correctly pronouncing certain words.

For me, this person is my mother.

And you wonder why I gave up the hooch.

It’s been an issue her entire life, but I notice it getting worse as she ages.

When my brother and I were kids, she would try to get in on our “Ew, that’s gross!” banter, by interjecting “Yes, that’s grossling.” And when we would shudder at her lack of coolness, it would just spur her on. Kind of like when I say “totes adorbs” (for ‘totally adorable’) around my 12-year-old son, just to watch him flinch.

She also used to take us clothes shopping for special occasions at a Pittsburgh store called Kenny Kardon, which she pronounced “Kinney CarDAWng” (rhymes with croissant). And she wasn’t trying to be funny like when we refer to Target as Tarjay. She truly thought it was pronounced all Frenchy-like. She does that. I have no idea how the store was really pronounced (it’s closed now), but knowing Pittsburghers like I do, my guess is a French accent isn’t correct.

We were visiting with my mom recently and decided to make a big spaghetti dinner. She only bought one box of spaghetti for 7 of us, but had a back up box of “pen-NAY” (penne) in the pantry. Pen-NAY? The hell? (Bless her tongue-tied heart.)

But the real clincher for me occurred when we were at a Japanese restaurant the other night. She had a hankering for some of those steamed soybeans in the shell, or edamame as they are universally known. The waiters and waitresses always pronounce this dish “EH-duh-mom-MAY,” but that has never stopped my mom from ordering “Eat a Mommy.”

And she’ll ask everyone else at the table if they would like some “Eat a Mommy” when it arrives, because she’s thoughtful and generous like that.

“Jim?” she’ll ask my husband, her favorite son-in-law, “Eat a Mommy?”

Under his breath {heh heh heh} “Yes please, Jan. That would be great! I love Eat a Mommy.”

Then Bucket Head has to get in on it. “Eat a Mommy?! No, EAT ME! Hey guys, EAT ME! WHO WANTS TO EAT ME?”

People at neighboring tables are rubber necking to see who is shouting “eat me.” I smile and wave. “He’s five,” I politely excuse on his behalf. I find myself doing this a lot lately.

But back to my mom, no matter how many times I try to correct her and teach her not to say “Eat a Mommy,” her mouth simply cannot perform this action. You should hear how she butchers “sashimi.” And for the love of God, never discuss Chincoteague Island, Virginia, within her earshot.

This prompted me to ask my Facebook friends if they have anyone in their life who is a chronic mispronouncer, and boy-oh-boy did they respond! Here are some of my favorite replies:

Barbara Jeanne: I have an older friend who is always going shopping at “Walmarks” not sure where the marks are on the wall… but thats where he goes…

Lerner: My step mother always call it Tommy Hif-flinger. And chipotle is chi-pol-Tay. Drives me nuts.

Megan: My grandma used to watch “That Ofra” every day on tv. Sigh.

Rubber Chicken Madness: My grandmother used to say “oblituary”

Abbie: Ohhhh….no one over fifty can say prostate…they say prostRate.

Jane: My mom never says Whoopi Goldberg’s name right. She always makes the Whoop part sound like someone’s having a party.

Ninja Mom: My mother, an educated, worldly woman, says, “FRA-hee-TAHS.” Woman, they are FRAH-GEE-TAHS. Stop embarrassing me at Taco Bell.

Oh thank God I’m not the only one.

(And yes, Ninja Mom is always that funny.)

So tell me, who in your life has Mispronunciationitis and what do they say that cracks you up (and/or makes you want to jam a chopstick into your eye)?



  1. Erin

    I’m sure I have my own set of pronunciation issues (I used to say breafkast, but I broke myself of that) but I have a friend who believes that a holder for a small candle (votive) is a voLtive and another who says ECKspecially instead of especially. Both drive me absolutely mad and I’m alarmed at how often those words come up in conversation.

    • Bedalia

      Oooo, eckspecially is one that really bothers me, too, along with eckcetra instead of et cetera.

      • The Bearded Iris

        Ha! I forgot about that one, yes, ECKcetera is a hard one for so many people isn’t it?

    • The Bearded Iris

      VoLtive?! No way. It’s like the Hogwarts candle holder that shall not be named. And omg, ECKspecially…SLAP-worthy. That reminds me of “eXpresso.” Sigh.

  2. Sanstrousers

    One of my best friends says Eye-talian instead of Italian. No, she is not 70.

    • The Bearded Iris

      My husband’s family is 100% Italian and you would not believe how many people say EYE-talian to us. It is hilarious. (And so annoying.)

  3. Erin

    I’m sure I have my own set of pronunciation issues (I used to say breafkast, but I broke myself of that) but I have a friend who believes that a holder for a small candle (votive) is a voLtive and another who says ECKspecially instead of especially. Both drive me absolutely mad and I’m alarmed at how often those words come up in conversation.

  4. becky

    Mine is my mother in law, city here called “Humble”, pronounced “Umble”.She has lived here for a hundred flippin years and still cant pronounce it…are you kidding me!! And feta…its not feet-a damn it!

    • mrs.frisbie

      Ew! I would not eat feet-a cheese. That’s a great one!

    • The Bearded Iris

      OMG, that’s like when Martha Stewart cooks with Herbs (said with a hard “h”). WTF? And FEET-a cheese? Ew. Hahaha!

      • Mike Sakasegawa

        Just to throw this out there: Herbs (with the “h”) is the standard pronunciation in the UK. That doesn’t make it any more right for Martha Stewart to use it; in fact, I think it may make it worse.

        • The Bearded Iris

          Yes, agreed, totally makes it worse. Don’t get me wrong, she has built an empire, and is a darn fine business woman (except for that whole prison stint thing), but she’s from regular folks. She doesn’t need to say things like Hhhhhherb and SCAWL-lops. They’re scallops, short a. Bitch, please. 🙂

  5. Mimms

    oh some doozies, where to start, “papa-rika” like some stinky dudes name and the always annoying “supposably”. But the one that induces the chopstick action for me, is my mom and sister both say “sang-wich” for sandwich.Thanks for the laugh Iris and for reminding to get chopsticks next time I’m at Tarjay x

    • Megan at declutterdaily

      sang wich- heh heh.

    • The Bearded Iris

      “Supposably” is like a cross between a suppository and opposable thumbs. In other words, keep it away from your b-hole. Sang-wich?! LOL.

  6. Rachel Fruitloop

    Ooh, I can comment! Here’s one, as an American living in London I hear A LOT from many Americans: “WimbleTON”! Guys, it’s Wimbledon!! No need to overcompensate for our soft “t”s, this one is really a “d”, now stop embarrassing me!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Ha! (I’m one of those Americans! I didn’t know that. Thank you Rachel!)

  7. Sharon

    My mom and aunt (her sister) always crack up my cousins and I. My mom is famous for mispronouncing ICE CREAM- she calls it ISHE CREAM and then there is the word SPAGHETTI in which she refers to as PISSKETTI. My aunt calls a CHIMNEY a CHIMALEEH and a PILLOW a PILLAR. No matter how many times we have all corrected them, they cannot make their mouths pronounce these words correctly. I know there are a few others as well!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Whenever I hear people say “pissketti” I assume they are trying to be cute for the kids’ sake. But you’re saying your mom really calls it that all the time? Oh my macaroni. I would die.

  8. Lyn

    I have a friend who has been my bestie for over 25 years — she says the concrete divider in the middle of the road is a “media” …. when the police have to arrest a lot of people at one time, they bring the “patio” wagon … when she makes Mexican food, she uses a “tortilla” (pronounced tor-TILL-ya). I also have another friend who is 74 years young and a BLAST to be around — she LOVES wine with here EYEtalian spaghetti!!! love love love them both!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh yes – those torTILLyas are delicious, especially when served out of the patio wagon on the road media. Hilarious!

  9. Miss Music Nerd

    My Dad is a champ at this. When says pasta, it rhymes with ass-ta. A heinous crime is hee-nee-us. Rice pilaf is pie-lahf. And this man has traveled the world.

    As for me, I no longer say the word recalcitrant in public. My ex-boyfriend mocked me about it once and now I’m scarred for life!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh oh oh – PASSta. That cracks me up! The word I never say in public ever is “vigilant”…my mouth cannot do it. I always say VILLAGE-ent. Dumbass.

    • Mike Sakasegawa

      In most of Canada and the UK, “PASS-ta” is standard and “PAH-sta” would be considered affected. Same with the word “drama.”

      • The Bearded Iris

        Oh my gravy, Mike, you are just a treasure trove of awesome information! Can we keep you?

  10. Michelle Wiederman

    I have an Aunt who insists on saying Axe…as in “I want to axe you a question.” Um, NO THANK YOU!!! LOL! This kills me…hehehe, see what I did there…Axe me…kill me. HA! Too much!

    • Rochelle Callahan

      LMAO 😀 I am from the south originally. “Lemme axe you a question” is something I hear all the time!! It drives me nuts too 😀

      With that said, being from the south originally (and a nut for grammar haha) I hear all sorts of things that are mispronounced. When I moved north I had no idea I was the one mispronouncing things 😀 Apparently I would say, “fanger” instead of “finger” and things like that. Sometimes I still have a hard time saying Hippopotamus. Every now and again it still comes out as hippomotapus 😀

      • The Bearded Iris

        That is so cute! My daughter used to say CAL-ER-Pitter instead of caterpillar. Love that.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh my God. One of my oldest college friends and I were just reminiscing about a time in RA Training when we had to do a role play in front of a room of trainees and the girl playing our resident came to us and asked if she could “axe us something.” And being the wise asses that we were (are) we were like “Axe us? AXE us? Keeping an axe in your dorm room is definitely against the college housing regulations, Miss.” Bless her heart. And that was in Pittsburgh PA…not the South, so I think it is a pretty universal mispronunciation.

  11. Julie

    My mom’s bestie calls a chest of drawers a “CHESTER DRAWERS”!!! Sounds like some old cowboy’s tighty whities to me!

  12. Rachel

    My assistant – who is such a lovely woman – has a few quirky mispronunciations. A very common one that still drives tingles right up into my hairline is “pitcher” for picture. It doesn’t contain beer, dear dear woman. She also says “drawl” instead of draw (no, she doesn’t mean the all too common southern twang here in Florida, she means the act of creating art). So, as you can imagine, the all too common phrase “draw a picture” has makes me absolutely shudder when uttered as “drawl a pitcher” AAAACK!
    Again, she’s a lovely woman. 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh no – that is fierce! I would definitely have developed a facial tick if I had to hear that on a regular basis. I’m sure she’s a lovely woman. So is my mother. Maybe they could go bowling together. 🙂

  13. Kerstin

    I am sure our entire (immigrant) family has their share of mispronunciations, but I like to think that my husband takes the crown. Instead of “veggie” he says “wedgie”. There are a few other ones, but my favourite is “Wangcouver” = “Vancouver”.
    Of course he thinks this is funny as well. Ahem.

    • The Bearded Iris

      LMAO! I would love to eat wedgies in Wangcouver with your family, Kerstin!

  14. Corporate Wife

    Mothers have this problem. I’m sure my daughters will soon be posting about me.

    My mother-in-law likes to light candles for to “set the rigt atmosphere-y.” My late mother took two “Thigh-lay-nalls” whenever she had a headache.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh God, noooooooo! (But I’m sure you’re right.) I think it might be genetic. My grandma was the same way. That means it’s only a matter of time before I start ordering SHA-see-mee in Japanese restaurants.

      PS – My MIL likes to drink CUM-o-meal tea.

  15. Kim

    I know someone who calls a cherub (pronounced chair-ub) a shrub…..drives me insane!

    • The Bearded Iris

      SHUT. UP. That one is just weird. We might need to stage an intervention.

  16. Crista

    My mom has trouble differentiating Shirley MacLaine from Shirley Temple. Bless her heart.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Okay Crista, you just made me snicker with that one. Bless all our mamas’ hearts!

  17. Robin

    My mother-in-law used to pronounce Chick-fil-A, “Chick-fil-AAAA (with a short A sound). We have corrected her enough she no longer says it wrong! Then there is my husband who pronounces naked, “necked”, drives me flippin crazy!!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh no, “necked”? Really? I say neck-id sometimes when I’m trying to be funny, but I’ve never heard “necked.” That would irritate me too. Especially if you’re trying to get all sexy and naked together and he says something like “You sure are purdy when you’re necked.” (Insert depressing trumpet wa-wa-wa sound). And oh, Chick-fil-aaahh, LOL! In your MIL’s defense, why on earth would they name the store that?! It is just begging for interpretation. When we first moved here I thought it was pronounced Chick-FILLah. 🙂

      • Robin

        You had it correct. I am not very good at trying to spell out words phonetically. He says “Neck-id”. Oh and here’s his newest one, he keeps accusing me of taking a scolding bath!!! What the….? It took me a long time to break him of saying “worsh” for wash.

  18. mrs.frisbie

    My mother was a school teacher and somehow manages to butcher a lot of the English language. Must come with retirement. My favorite is: “FRICK-THIS corn syrup” for high fructose corn syrup. She doesn’t buy anything with FRICK THIS in it. I say good for her!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Haha! That’s a good way to remember to avoid HFCS! Good for her is right! 🙂

  19. Miss Dee Meanor

    We have both permanent staff and substitutes in our library system who answer the phone with “*Blank* County Public LIBERRY”. It’s like fingers across the blackboard for me. I keep suggesting that anyone applying for a position should be tested to see if he/she correctly pronounces the work LIBRARY. In addition to saying “liberry”, one of our branch substitutes invents her own words and places them on patrons’ records for everyone in the system to see. The latest was a note saying, “The patron has been noticified.” Bless her heart! I still love her.:)

    • The Bearded Iris

      Noooooooo! Oh, that is the WORST! I would totally support your petition to institute a li-bRary pronunciation test. God bless the fancy word inventors of this world. They sure provide us with good material!

  20. Kristin

    Ninja Mom is The Best. (Tied with TBI, of course. You’re both The Best.)

    I’m very forgiving, having grown up with immigrant parents and being teased about their accents my whole life. We used to correct their pronunciation of places all the time – “It’s not War-Chester, Mom! It’s Wuhster!” Of course, in some countries, they’d be correct.

    I remember, upon first moving to NYC, being terrified I’d mispronounce Houston Street. HOWston…say HOWston…say Howston…. And lots of folks would be all “I’m a real NYer ’cause I know how to say it da right way.” Ahh the value of a person.

    A woman who is more smart than 98% of the people I know, once mispronounced Tirade in front of her classroom. She said Tarahhhhd. Her students never let her hear the end of it. She was mortified! And then we laughed hysterically over a bottle of wine. Now we use it in a sentence whenever we can.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thank you Kristin!

      I used to live in Winston-Salem and there is an upscale neighborhood there called “Buena Vista.” Of course, all the locals (who are pretty fancy, well educated people) call it BU-na Vista (instead of BWAY-na). It made me INSANE. But I felt compelled to mispronounce it their way. A little piece of my soul died there.

      Love your Tarahhhhd story. I might have to start mispronouncing that one too now just so I can feel like I am a part of your inside joke.

  21. Marie Moran

    I nearly wet myself when my 86 year old aunt told a waiter how much she loved the hamburgers at rutfuckers….yeah I think she meant Fudruckers.

    • Erin


    • The Bearded Iris

      RUT-FUCKERS!!! So awesome. Especially out of a senior citizen! Love it!

  22. Amy

    My grandmother had her lady parts checked at the grynacologist, and she also slept on a matrix.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Bless her heart! I hope she didn’t get grinded at the gryno.

  23. Laura

    Well… My parents are from the south so I hear a few from their families. But my favorites are ones I didn’t understand as a kid.

    My dad has a bunch of cowlicks all over his head. I’ve got one right in the middle of my forehead. Hearing my mom say it, my sister and I thought it was Callic… Only figured that out a couple years ago. The other big one is as a kid (I was homeschooled) I thought there was one explorer named Lewisson Clark. I was always confused by pictures of Lewis & Clark… Didn’t know who the extra guy was.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Are we sisters? I had the SAME cowlick experience. Never realized until I was an adult that it was an expression about a cow licking someone’s forehead.

      My aunt who is from Pittsburgh (like me) pronounces TILE and TOWEL the exact same way. Very confusing. “Hand me that TOWL” could mean pretty much anything. 😉

      And LOL about Lewisson Clark!

  24. Megan at declutterdaily

    My grandfather always made us tack-os instead of tacos. Oh, and we ate them with ketchup squirted on top- all classy like.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Yinz are a class act, for sure! Tack-os! I bet he made PASSta too.

      • becky

        One of my first jobs was at Jack In The Box and this old lady came in and asked for “TAR-cos” …I couldnt figure out wtf she wanted, pissed her right off when I finally said “oh, you mean TACOS”. Now I always want to call them tarcos…

  25. carla r

    My southern granny pronounces the State of Hawaii as HAR-Wahr-ya. And also shops at Walmarks. When I was a child we lived on Juana St. She always referred to it as Jew-wanna Street. Gotta love her! Her daughter, my mother, can’t pronounce chimney to save her life. It is always chimbley. My sister and I finally gave up. Now we wouldn’t change it if we could!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Aw – it is precious to hear them butcher words, isn’t it? Just adds to the good memories pile.

  26. Megan at declutterdaily

    Oh and turning in myself, when I worked at Target at the tender age of 16, someone asked me where something or other was and I said under that sign there that says ling-er-ee! She taught me on the spot how to pronounce, lingerie. I still remember it today.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hey, that is a tough word! God bless the kind people who show us the way while we are young.

  27. Megan at declutterdaily

    Oh, and since I can’t seem to stop commenting, I live in Nor-Fuck Virginia not Nor-FOLK. Why the fuck that is? I couldn’t tell ya’. That is just how we all decided to roll with it. It makes visitors blush, and they are very uncomfortable hearing it out of 3 -year-olds, eighty-year-olds, television reporters- well, everyones mouth. It made me uncomfortable 22 years ago when I came here, but if you can’t beat ’em -fuck ’em.

    • mrs.frisbie

      omgsh, you are killing me with this one! hysterical.

    • The Bearded Iris

      I feel a strange need to move to NorFUCK now just so I can legally say FUCK all fucking day long. Is that also true of Suf-FUCK, VA?

  28. Kate Madison

    My mother-in-law is Japanese. She has been here in the U.S. for over 40 years and still has an accent. She has problems pronouncing her R’s and L’s. She switches the sounds for some reason. My children are named Robert and Leah. When she says their names it comes out Lobert and Reah. Why she can not get the sounds straight is totally beyond me. Makes me crazy! And don’t get me started about when my Father-in-law goes to Mexico. English phonetic pronunciation of Spanish words is not funny! It is embarrassing!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh my! Hilarious! Your poor MIL probably thinks you picked your children’s names just to mess with her. It could be worse…you could have named them Rick and Lectum. 😉

    • Mike Sakasegawa

      It’s because the Japanese language doesn’t differentiate between the L and R sounds. And if you grow up speaking a language that doesn’t differentiate between two sounds, it is difficult or impossible to learn to do so later in life. Reminds me of my experience trying to learn Mandarin:

      Teacher: Repeat after me: “sher.”
      Student 1: “Shen.”
      Teacher: Good.
      Student 2: “Shee.”
      Teacher: Very good.
      Student 3: “Blarg.”
      Teacher: Good.
      Me: “Sher.”
      Teacher: No, “sher,” not “sher.” Try again, please.

      • The Bearded Iris

        LMAO! “Blarg.” Seriously Mike. We’re keeping you. I hope you brought your toothbrush and a Snuggie.

        • Mike Sakasegawa

          Surely I can’t be the first three-quarters-Japanese-with-a-half-Canadian-wife-and-an-interest-in-language reader you’ve had, can I?

          (I know, I know–don’t call you “Shirley.”)

      • Jenna

        Okay, one more. My grandmother used to say she was “pisaddointed”. Pretty sure she had no idea, but I use it all the time. I mean, it really gussies up disappointed where I want it half the time, hmm?

        • Jenna

          Oops, put THAT one in the wrong place. Oh, well. This R/L thing reminds me of when my Swedish uncle married his Japanese wife, and made her Mrs. Floyd Larson. Poor lady.

  29. Heather

    My mother-in-law says Secktember for September. Not sure why she thinks there is a CK in there?!? It drives me nuts!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Ack. I’m with you! Now, SACKtember, I could get on board with…

  30. Melissa

    Some of the same as above…
    My brother always wants to “axe” me a “queshun” (“supposably”)…
    My mom says “nekkid” and (while not technically a mispronunciation) she can’t say the word “sex” without morphing into Dana Carvey’s Church Lady (“ssssssssssssEX” cue rumble of God’s judgment).
    When my kids were younger, they used to enjoy eating “strawbabies” and “ninjasnap” cookies. 😉

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh, I do love children’s cute little mispronunciations! Strawbabies?! Adorable!

      • Bedalia

        When I was little, I once said I was so sexcited about something. My parents still laugh about it. Personally, I think it should be a word.

  31. Rachel

    my ex-MIL always says “flustrated” for frustrated. Never mind the “warsh” for wash, but that’s a pretty common Texas thing.

    My middle daughter has always said “Yew Nork” for New York, and while she’s now 12 and old enough to know better, she still says it. And her younger sister says it, too. Plus she calls turtles “toitles” and penguins are “penguinis”, but this still falls into the cute category. 🙂

    My mother is an editor and my stepdad is an anchor on a news radio station, and we have had many long, dragged out family fights on how you pronounce words over the dinner table. Thank you dictionary.com for having a play button so you can hear the correct pronunciation! That has saved us so many times.

    • The Bearded Iris

      FLUStrated? Oh no. I used to work with a teacher who pronounced discombobulated as “discomboomerated.” Drove me nuts. Bless her heart!

  32. Mike Sakasegawa

    For the life of me, I can’t figure out what at Taco Bell is supposed to be pronounced either “FRAH-hee-TAHS” or “FRAH-GEE-TAHS.” The closest I can think of is “fajitas,” except that’s actually “fah-HEE-tahs,” and anyway Taco Bell doesn’t have fajitas.

    Also, “edamame” is “ed-ah-mah-meh” or (easier for most Americans) “ed-uh-MOM-ay.” Either that or all of my Japanese grandparents and cousins say it wrong. Which could be, I suppose.

    • The Bearded Iris

      THANK YOU MIKE! I knew it! I knew it! I knew Eat a Mommy wasn’t correct! I only order the bean burritos at Taco Smell so I am not familiar with the whole Fraheeta/Frageeta debate. 🙂

  33. Erika

    My mother says NAPKEYEN for Napkin and VODKEYA for Vodka. At least there’s a pattern!

    • The Bearded Iris

      That has a Russian ring to it! Maybe the rest of us are pronouncing these words wrong. 😉

  34. Amanda

    Well, I work in a long term care facility so you can only imagine the mispronunciations I have heard over the years!! A couple of my favorites are “waRsh” instead of wash and “Zinc” instead of sink…. Put it together and someone’s “warshing dishes in the zinc” lol and that’s just a couple!!! LOL

    • The Bearded Iris

      Old people are the best (from a distance). Kidding! (Kinda)

  35. Rosemamie

    God love her, my mother says you ‘roo-een’ your eyes if you read in the dark (aka-ruin for us normal folk). That can’t possibly top the mispronunciations you get when you work in a restaurant though: chicken plank=chicken flank, hush puppy=hush puffy (yes, I worked at Long John Silver’s as a teen), everyone loves them some chicken fah-jie-tahs (rhymes with vah-JIE-nah!) and chimmiCHANGas. Then of course you have your country folk (aka my family) who ‘warsh’ their dishes in the ‘zink’ and make sure to use plenty of detergent to get the ‘erl’ off of them. (Translation from Babelfish: WASH their dishes in the SINK and be sure to use plenty of detergent to get the OIL off of them.) Ahem.

    • mrs.frisbie

      I’m going to admit that I pronounce – on purpose – fajitas like a disease fah-JITE-iss because it makes my freinds laugh their butts off. Honestly, it never gets old.

      • Rosemamie

        haha! They are rather clinical sounding 😉 I seriously used to have to hold my tongue when people would order them though….especially when they were really cheesy about it… “Um, I think I want those sizzling, hot Fah-JIE-Tahs!” “Yeah, we all want one of those sister….”

      • The Bearded Iris

        I vow to call them fah-JITE-iss from now on. That rocks!

    • The Bearded Iris

      You are cracking me up with your LJS speak! And ‘erl’ for oil…classic!

  36. Rosemamie

    And nearly forgot..those lovely flowers you grow in your yard? To my 4 year old niece they were damn-patience…not impatiens 😉

    • The Bearded Iris

      For the longest time, I thought they were “impatience.” And I thought, what a funny name…I guess the gardeners were impatient for them to bloom or something. Der.

  37. Jenna

    Oh, I am just HOWLING at these comments! So–the ones that make me nuts are sherbeRt and eXpresso, followed closely by pitcher for picture. I have a very intelligent GF who always says “boughten”. As in, she really likes that purse she had boughten last week. But I guess that’s to be filed under Making Up Your Own Words If You Can’t Find One you Like.” Speaking of which, my immigrant family is full of those. Picture, I mean pitcher, my uncle trying to learn English and being asked to sing in class: “Tvinkla, Tvinkla, Littla Star, How I vunder. . .” And after being here for 50 years, still channels Elvis this way: “I’m all shaked up!!!”

    • The Bearded Iris

      Haha! Immigrants get a little slack in my book. English is the hardest language to learn – so many irregular verbs and all. My 12 yo son says “boughten” all the time (speaking of irregular verbs)…I better correct his ass now so he isn’t still saying that as an adult!

      And OMG…it’s not SherbeRt? (*runs for dictionary*)

  38. Ron Henley

    My mom always does this and it drives me insane! Instead of certificates, she says “cerstificates.” Instead of picture albums, she says “pitcher alblums.” And there’s my favorite. Instead of that dreaded condition Phlebitis (pronounced Fluh-Bite-Us) she says “Flea-Bite-Us!” Cracks our whole family up!

    • The Bearded Iris

      So funny! Your mom is just trying to get her money’s worth on those words by throwing in a few extra letters. I bet she’s awesome at Scrabble. 😉

  39. Marc

    People that add “s” to items that are not plural….Like Krogers or Johnsons Ferry Road. Also the “l” in Salmon. “I think I would like to order the SALL-MAHN!” Also my M-I-L refers to Whoopi Goldberg as “Goldie Whoopberg!” LOL

    • The Bearded Iris

      YES YES YES! That! Why do they want to make everything plural?

      And when people say SALmon, I always turn and look for Salman Rushdie.

  40. Sarah Macon

    My mom is the worlds worst at this! No matter how many times you correct her it is kwaay-sa-diLLa (quesadilla), kwaay-so (queso), chee-polt-ee (chipolte), no matter how many times she is corrected! My daughter also insists on calling crocodiles- croc-o-dike-els. Soooo funny!

    • The Bearded Iris

      So cute! I love when kids mispronounce their animals! My daughter said Cal-er-PIT-ers for the longest time instead of caterpillars. Miss that.

  41. Jane

    My boyfriend- who is not computer literate at all, and chooses not to have anything to do with social networking- kept saying ‘tex’. As in: “I got a ‘tex’ on my phone. And don’t my kids know I don’t have ‘texing’ on my plan. I laughed at first but I couldn’t take it- I had to tell him it was ‘text’ and what it meant. The poor guy

    • The Bearded Iris

      Well, you were totally right to correct him. That would make him sound like an idiot to people who didn’t know him better. You were doing him a big favor! 🙂

  42. Laura

    My husband says “Vicey Verse” instead of vice versa – we’ve been together 30 years – I gave up a long time ago…

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hahaha! Yes, we do have to choose our battles, don’t we?!

  43. Amanda

    A co-worker always says ‘tor-TILL-a’ and ‘quesa-DILL-a. The ‘L’s are silent people!! I also have a friend who says ‘kla-lu-la’ instead of kahlua. She’s a little ‘L’ happy too….or else she’s just been hitting the ‘klalula’ a little too hard.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Dying! L-happy people are so funny.

  44. Josi

    Pacific. As in, “I Pacificly said to back in the driveway.” Not specificaly like it should be but Pacific as in the ocean. My husband says that. He also says irratid instead of irratated.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Ooooh ooooh, or how about people who say “orientated” instead of “oriented” or “irregardless” instead of “regardless.” ACK! I used to work with a very intelligent woman who said “pacifically” instead of “specifically”…she also said “axe” for “ask” though.

  45. Melissa

    My grandpa (who lived in Arizona and was as white as they come) used to think it was funny to say “grassy-ass” instead of “gracias” at all the Mexican restaurants. 😛 He pretended he really thought that’s how it was pronounced, but I could always tell by the twinkle in his eye that he was mispronouncing it intentionally. 😉

    • The Bearded Iris

      Fabulous! Is there anything cuter than a grandpa with a twinkle in his eye?

  46. Rebecca

    I saw someone else say it already, but yeah, my mama says worsh too. That R just drives me buggy. It’s WASH mom… no R… just W-A-S-H.

    I have a co-worker (around my mama’s age, sweet older man) who says breffis for breakfast. That doesn’t really bother me, probably because I have a soft spot for the old guy… it’s kinda cute.

    And when my older son (now 16) was younger, he would say velickal (veLICKal) for vehicle. I actually had to show him the word once to prove to him there was no L in the middle! It was cute tho, and I kinda miss it now.

    • The Bearded Iris

      I hear ya. It’s so much cuter when it is from a sweet older person than when it is from our own parents, right? And of course it is ADORABLE when our kids do it. 🙂

  47. Mel

    My FIL pronounces “vinegar”…VINE-gar and “machine” MACK-hine. I seriously stare at him every time. He says them more than you would think. I never sit next to him when we go out to eat. NO freaking fail, he confuses the poor waiter by asking for some “VINE-GAR”.

    After our first babe was born, my MIL came to stay for a week (I still tick). She asked me one day where I kept the “OWN-SIES” (onesies) for the baby.

    I’m from Boston, so I know I have no room to talk, but PA-LEASE! Learn to say vinegar, dear FIL!!!

    • The Bearded Iris

      VINE-GAR?! OMG. That’s a hoot! I would tick too if I had to hear someone call them “OWN-SIES.” I hope she didn’t try to help you put on your Baby-Ba-Jorn. 😉

  48. Theresag

    For the life of me I cannot consistently say wolf. It comes out woof unless I try really hard. I can say other words with the “lf” ending, but this one word trips me up. Of course I hear no end of it from my dh.

    • The Bearded Iris

      That’s a common one – I hear that from people a lot. Then again, I grew up in Pittsburgh where people have their own frickin’ language! : 0)

  49. Lisa

    Ummm, {shameful hand raised}, that would be me. Just last weekend, we had a family event (cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings–crazy fun) in town and after lunch I was getting a piece of gum out of my purse. My brother and cousin were curious about the brand (on-line only purchase) and I said, “well, I buy this on-line because it doesn’t contain ass-part-u-may.” I thought my family was going to piss their pants laughing, and my brother (in between guffaws) said, “do you mean Aspertame?” And my other cousin thought I was reading an ingredient in Spanish. As my brother said, “dude, that laugh was totally worth the price of admission.”
    Glad I could be of service. {hiding back under my rock of shame}

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hey, that’s a hard one! I am sure I butcher that myself. I say ASS-PAR-TAME. I don’t know if it’s correct though. Anyone? Anyone?

  50. Angell

    Okay, I totally feel stupid because apparantly I have this problem lol! A lot of the stuff people are mentioning, is how I pronounce stuff!!! LOL!!

    One word I have such a struggle with is Marlboro. I hate having to get hubby’s cigarettes because I get tongue tied every time!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Don’t feel stupid, Angell! Marlboro is a hard word. You should make him switch to VAGINA-SLIMES (Virginia Slims)…that’s MUCH easier to say.

  51. Jenna

    How could I forget this one? This one makes me want to scream, and I hear it all the time: Real-a-tor. Or Real-a-ty. Where are those extra As coming from? Or are they being stolen from the back and put in the front–Realtor, Relator? Is that what they’re doing? I’m friggin’ hoarse on that one.

    • Lindsey

      OMG THAT DRIVES ME NUTS! We are in the process of trying to buy a house and holy heck it is enough to make me want to kill someone when people ask me which “real-a-tor” I’m using.

    • Kristen K

      I love that when I read this.. I heard your voice! Friggin’ hoarse.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh GOD, I think I’m guilty of this one! So, no A in the middle? I’m just supposed to say REAL-TOR? Because that sounds weird. Help! (Oh the shame)

      • Jenna

        Alert! Alert! I think I figured this one out! Real Estate–Real Uhstate. Realtor–Realuhtor! Yeah? Yes, Ma’am, pretty sure that’s how it happened!

        • The Bearded Iris

          You are frickin’ brilliant Jenna. That makes perfect sense.

  52. Ali

    Our babysitter used to call them Mandaranian oranges. Like they came from a place called Mandarania. Drove me nuts.

    • The Bearded Iris

      LOL! Mandarania sounds like a lovely place though. I want to go to there.

  53. Katie

    My friend had a couple she had trouble with, dolphin became dol-i-phin and guacamole was gRacamole. The worst part was, she had no idea for years that they weren’t really pronounced that way.

    • The Bearded Iris

      They never do…they NEVER do.

  54. Kristen K

    My last name is Kotrlik. EVERYONE I love mispronounces it. The most popular version is Cooterlick. Ha.Ha.Ha. So.Funny.

    • The Bearded Iris

      LMAO! How DO you correctly pronounce it? My guess is “COT-er-LICK,” but Cooterlick is totally perfect for you and what I’ll call you from now on. Thank you!

      • Kristen Kooterlick

        It’s pronounced COT-er-lick…. But I have heard everything… I love getting telemarketer calls and they try to say it. 90% of the time, they sigh deeply before attempting it and the they say “Hi Mrs. Uhhhhh…Ko..clit…” I usually correct them and then say “Nope. wrong number.”

        • The Bearded Iris

          It is definitely the best part of having a unique last name: having a prescreening device for whether or not to take that phone call. If they can’t say my name, they don’t get to give me their pitch. Period.

          • Rachel Fruitloop

            Kristen, your comment reminded me of something I’d completely forgotten about! My friend’s grandma suggested that she try to dress more fashionably, and that she should get her one of them “Juicy Cooter” outfits that says Juicy on the butt. Bless her, she had no idea how funny it was, my friend and I were crying, we laughed so hard!

  55. Jester Queen

    Oh thank God, we get to talk. I was bursting with this one.

    My mother-in-law has Or-TOD-ics in her shoes.

    My best friend’s grandmother drinks a “Peps” (no i)

    And I stumbled over “sarcophagus” (yes, we’re geeks in my family) until my 8 year old cornered me with, “It ends in “Cough-ugh!-us”, like you don’t want somebody to cough on you. It’s NOT sarco-fay-jus, Mom.” And I could tell some teacher had been forced to correct HER pronunciation by the way her voice adopted its repetition of facts tone. And it wasn’t like I didn’t know that. It just isn’t one I say a lot, so it comes out W-R-O-N-G-O.

    • Hollow Tree Ventures

      Crap! Now I’m not going to be able to pronounce this because I’m highly suggestible and they BOTH sound right, like when Homer Simpson said NU-cu-lar instead of nuclear, or when drunk people say OSS-i-fer to the cops who pull them over.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Aw – I love that you are happy to get to leave a comment, JQ! Sorry I’ve been so asocial this summer. (But actually, my kids are on their 3rd hour of TV this morning while I attempt to reply to all comments, so don’t get too comfy.) 😉

      • Jester Queen

        No worries – I tend to lurk anyway over here. I’m feeling grateful for the comments off, because it eliminates a lot of my guilt about only commenting once in awhile. This one just had me feeling all “Oh GOD I want to talk”.

  56. T.S. Vandenberg

    I know a few people who pronounce pronunciation as pronounciation. They pronounciate things.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh crap. *races for dictionary*

      • L. Hewitt

        Damn spell check. I blame Al & Bill.

  57. Wendy

    Oh yes, my mother and my sister have a hard time with the word hate. Somehow they manage to put an ‘n’ in there so it comes out as ‘haint’. Mother could never pronounce Toyota (calls them Ty-otas) and Nintendo was ‘Entendo’. The random dropping and adding of letters used to drive me crazy. My father and I used to speculate that this was part of some Swedish dialect that was passed down and never corrected.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Haint reminds me of TAINT, which is funny. I was dropped on my head as a child though and can make anything dirty. It’s a mixed blessing.

      • Lea

        OH LAWD! I always bust out at the word taint! That’s shiz is funny! Taint and cornhole -I’ve been told folks “play cornhole”, as if a cornhole is a game?!?!
        p.s. my husband doesn’t believe that my being dropped on my head can possibly account for my ability to make anything dirty or “out gross” him. He swears I’m really a 13 year old boy.

        • The Bearded Iris

          Lea, brace yourself honey, but cornhole really IS a game! I know. It’s actually super fun…and not just because of the dirty jokes you can make while playing it!

        • Kmary

          BwahahahahahaHA! Yeah..I’m running a little late these days and having a buh-LAST reading all these old posts. Lea, we MUST be related. I suh-WARE that I have a form of voluntary ter-RETTEs because some of my fave words are “shiz”, “cornhole”, “jackhole”, and “vajeezis”. It is comforting to know that there are more of “us” out there…like a twin universe or somethin!

  58. Carol Claxton

    My niece shared your post! I love them by the way. My mother used to mispronounce so many things, but the one that sticks in my mind the most is hiatal hernia . She always said “high herny”.

    • The Bearded Iris

      “High herny”!!! Love that!

      Thanks for stopping by Carol! And thanks to your niece too for sharing me with you! XO

  59. Mary Lou

    Ha! When we taught together at Roosevelt High School, my friend always said “Rose-uh-vell”. She also said “ast” instead of “ask”. My sweet hubby says “southmore” instead of “sophomore”. We live near a town called “New Braunfels”, and people everywhere say “New Brownsfells”. And “Santone” instead of “San Antonio” drives me nuts!! (Picture me with my eyes rolling back in my head!)

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh man, deep in the heart of Texas, (clap clap clap clap)…are a lot of people with mispronunciationitis! I’mma pray for you, sister.

  60. Mary Lou

    OH! Does anyone else make this mistake? I thought “Ryobi” was pronounced “Rye-o-bee”; customer service at the company says “Ree-o-bee”! News to me!

    • The Bearded Iris

      WHAT?! Guilty.

      • Lea

        same here

  61. Anne @ Domesblissity

    Oh, so true Iris. My dear Mum (bless her soul) was guilty of so many. She pronounced roTTweiler as a roTHwEEler. And don’t even get me started on the misidentification. If she saw someone on TV, she’d say “isn’t that so so and from that so and so show?” and we’d so “no Mum” it’s not. She’d be adamant it was. I also can’t stand the “aks” instead of “ask” but that’s a mispronunciation of all ages. And also don’t get me started on Yankee speak! You guys are in a world of your own over there. It’s vehicle, plain and simple not Vee-hic-ill. You should hear my son try to say it (the Yanks taught him to speak through too much TV watching). So cute. But then again, us Aussies are probably guilty of a few mispronunciations, ay mate? Good onya!

    Anne xx

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hahaha! Aussie accents are so beautiful though! I could listen to you talk forever.

      Vee-hic-ill is just redneck, not Yank. I pronounce it VEE-ha-kuhl. Do you have different accents within Australia like we do here? For instance, someone from Boston sounds totally different from a Pittsburgher or a southerner. And in the south, someone from Atlanta might sound very different from someone from the hills of Kentucky.

  62. Sarah

    I work at a school for the Deaf, here in Texas. The students are all deaf and the staff is a mixture of deaf and hearing people. I was once at a conference with a deaf colleague when a woman cam up and started speaking to him. He pointed to his ear and shook his head (the universal gesture for “I’m deaf”.) The woman turned to me and said, “oh, is he death?”
    Sadly, I hear this mispronunciation all the damn time. “Do you work at the school for the death?” or “how do I know if my child is death?”

    I don’t get it…and I’m a friggen’ Speech-Language Pathologist! : )

    • The Bearded Iris

      Ugh!! That one is a nightmare. It must drive you batty being a Speech-Language Pathologist! Actually, I bet this whole topic drives you nuts. You could probably write a whole book on it, LOL!

  63. Susan

    This whole theme has left me laughing and cringing. I thought I was alone with the fingernails on the chalkboard sensation over “real-a-tor”, “fra-hee-tahs”, and “Wemble-tin.” I can’t get over how many people buy “Sher-man” Williams paint Have you heard of “twiced” as in “that has happened once or twiced”? In Texas, there is a huge country side antique show in Warrenton, genereally referred to as “Warr-ing-ton” by so many. On another tangent, what casued the somewhat recent epedemic of people asking, “Where are you at?” or “Where did you find that at?” The list goes on, but I have to say thanks for opening this can of worms. It is hilarious.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh no, I have never heard “twiced”…I think I would poop my pants if I did. Whenever someone says “Where you at?” I always say “Before the preposition at.” I don’t mean to sound so snobby, I just really like words. 🙂

    • Mary Lou

      I’ve heard twiced, too. two? twice? I’ve heard people ask “Where do you stay at?” instead of “Where do you live?”. It’s a small south central Texas thing, I think.

  64. Peg D

    mercry for mercury
    bleetin for bleeding
    chicken pops for chicken pox
    chimley for chimney
    kitchen zinc for kitchen sink
    banage for bandage
    conversate for conversation
    bronical ammonia for bronchial pneumonia
    axed for asked
    damnblade for bandaid
    huntington park ave for hunting park ave
    the town of warminister for warminster
    I’ll touch bases with you later
    and of course the really young ones say:
    He can be the “polar bear” meaning the “ring bearer”
    Look Nana, Mary Puffins is in that cloud.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Wow – great list!

      “Touch bases” is wrong? Is it supposed to be “touch base” instead? Please advise! When I play softball I like to touch all the bases, not just one. 😉

    • Mary Lou

      Ha! When my daughter was young, she took a phone message for us about a death in the family. She told her dad that they wanted him to be a polar bear; she’d never heard the term “pall bearer”!

  65. Laura E.

    Ugh! My MIL says ” prob-ly” for probably. Early in our marriage, I helpfully corrected her…and got the death look. It’s been 18 years and she still says it oh-so-wrong. It’s like nails on a chalkboard for me!

    • The Bearded Iris

      You corrected your MIL? And lived to tell the tale? And are still married? That takes some serious ovarian fortitude girl.

      My MIL drinks cum-o-meal tea. It just makes me snicker. I asked her about it once because I say “CAM-o-meal” and she said that’s how they say it in Italian (her mom spoke Italian).

      And don’t get me started about the great SHUNT vs. STINT vs. STENT debate of 2004.

  66. Stacey

    I knew this gal who mispronounced her name “Leslie” as “Iris!” It was just CRAZY!!! 🙂
    Hilarious post and love seeing all your comments! You’re a rockstah…(that one was intentional)

    • The Bearded Iris

      Haha, Stacey! Usually people mispronounce Leslie as BITCHFACE.

      I’ve been missing you, sister! BIG BOOBIE HUG!

  67. Arnebya

    A coworker consistently says ambalamps for ambulance (I hope she never falls ill at the office; ain’t nobody gonna know what the hell she’s asking for!) and thilthy for filthy THE HELL? Who mispronounciates filthy? The kicker, though, was in Soho, an eat-in or takeout joint in the area whose prices are high as a giraffe’s ass (you have to weigh it). Overheard a guy say, mockingly, of course: Look, fry-casey. Who would eat fried casey? (He and the people with him laughed because one of them had on a nametag that said Casey, but he seriously though that was how one pronunciated FRICASEE!

    • Arnebya

      Oh, wait: kinneygarten and nown (not noun, but now with an n: nown and then) UUUUUUUGH!

    • The Bearded Iris

      I hope her ambalamps isn’t thilthy! A bitch could get that flesh eating disease in a thilthy ambalamps. (LOL!)

  68. Shelagh

    My MIL is the best. Italian is eye-talian. Chamomile is chah-moley. Tortilla is tor-tillah. And many others.

    • The Bearded Iris

      God love the MILs of the world! I’m starting to think they say these things just to get under our skin. 😉

  69. Handflapper

    The other day the pronunciating (shut up! that’s a WORD in these here parts) part of my brain completely shut off and I said me-LEE for melee, you know, saying it exactly how it looks, and my son said incredulously, “Do you mean MAY-LAY?” and all I could say was, “Yeah, some people say it that way, too.”

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh, yes’m. We always have to cover our tracks when the kids catch us in a woopsie, right?! That word melee has always bugged me. Always. I avoid it whenever possible.

  70. Misty

    I work at Chick-fil-A, in Atlanta, and our store is a Dwarf House. I HATEHATEHATE when people answer the phone or say over the drive-thru order headset, “Welcome to the DORF House” And our regular hosts say this many, many times a day. I cringe constantly.

    Oh, and I can’t say ROY or TROY. The combination stumps me, and I avoid saying those words at all costs. There was a Troy in my class K-12 and he always had a nickname from me. He thought I liked him, really I just couldn’t say his name. Ever.

    • The Bearded Iris

      What the heck is a “Dwarf House”? I have never heard of that!

      That is so cute about giving Troy nicknames because you couldn’t say his name! He probably felt so special!

      • Misty

        The very first Chick-fil-A restaurant was so small in size that it was nicknamed the Dwarf Grill, later to become the Dwarf House. In the Atlanta area (well, extended to Newnan and Rome), there are 9 Dwarf Houses, in honor of the original. Instead of being a fast food restaurant, we also have a full service dine-in side with an extended menu. We even serve beef (burgers and steaks) as well as an extensive breakfast menu.

        Here’s a link about the Dwarf House in Rome. From blogland as well.

  71. Sue

    My husband called the Lego King & I ‘Grammar Police’ when we cringed at his ‘fLustrated’…. Hello? It’s fRustrated!!

    It also drives me nuts when my Dad says ‘Chim-ley’ (chimney) and ‘Ong-yuns’ (onions), but he’s almost 80 – so you’re not changing that ol’ dog!!

    How about when you’re reading someones blog/post/etc. and they write ‘your’ when it should be ‘you’re’…. or ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ or ‘they’re’…. aaacckkk!!

  72. Deborah Sax

    Here in the fine state of U-Tar (Utah) we have a long list of mispronounciationitis. People “supposably” walk “acrost” the street. And if you live in Layton, locally is called “LaaUn”. T before a vowel is silent. For more check out sisterdottie.com of local humor on this subject! “sa much” “technalogically”.
    In fact on local radio show has coined “Utonics” to describe the unique phonics! Of course as I’m originally from GreenBay, WI -I can’t escape the way the nort folks butcher the mother tongue. From “yah, you know and so heh” to “paper or plastic BEG?”, “up der in da UP” ( UP is upper pennisula of Michigan). The list goes on, and on.

    • The Bearded Iris

      I LOVE the accent up there! I could watch Fargo over and over just to hear those people talk.

  73. carey

    My step-mother always says “VENGtables”, bless her heart.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hahaha! I like to say VAGtables. Just because. Also, VAGetarian. It’s just funny.

  74. Kate

    I once worked with this woman who could not pronounce anything correctly. This guy would bring in cassata cakes for birthdays and she would tell me, “Ronnie brought the Secada cake…” to which I would respond (every single time), “I actually like the Ricky Martin cake better.” Then there was the time that she told me about the “babies breasteses” in the wedding bouquet. The bandaners (banners), underwears, CVB player (DVD), the BOU-ffet (buffet)… pretty much everything was wrong. She was Puerto Rican, and I assumed that English wasn’t her first language. Then I asked another co-worker (who emigrated from Guatamala when she was 17, and had been in the US 17 years and spoke perfect English) if her Spanish was better than her English, and she said it was just as bad. I should have written down all of the “Ruth-isms”, because they were hilarious!

  75. Susan

    Oh! One more!
    Isn’t there always just one more?
    The worst for me is “nu-cue-lar” for nu-cle-ar. Just can’t abide that one.
    Keep ’em coming!

  76. Kim

    My grandma, bless her heart. I love you, grandma. She “warshes” the “deeshes” and eats “feesh”. She also played (and caught “feesh”) in a “crick” when she was young and gather eggs from the “cheekins”. We all giggle when she starts, but I’ll miss it someday.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Ohmygosh my Grandma was the same way. I loved when she gave me CAYSH for my birthday. Sometimes she went to the bank for some FRAYSH CAYSH (crisp new bills). Miss that crazy broad!

  77. JMc

    My best friend says “Pin-Interest” instead of Pinterest. If it is said enough times in one conversation my head explodes.

    And since I’m from the country, I hear plenty of things that sounds like “runt”and “Rrrr-int” instead of “ruined”. There’s no “T” in that word! And it’s an actual word, not a sound you make, lol.

  78. Jessica B

    Oh man, when I read this, I was all like, I have to write a post like this because I have so many morons in my life that mispronounce things. One of the morons is my stepmother, bless her heart. She calls overalls over HAULS, drives me freaking crazy. And my dad who had colon cancer a few times has to have fairly regular colon os STOW PEES, instead of a colonoscopy. Oh I want to mash a taco in her mouth every time I hear her say those things. Also, my mom says TRAWMA instead of trauma and calls a compass a COMP ass, which is hilarious. She insists she is saying it right. Apparently, for my whole life I have been saying BASK wrong, I was just informed. In order to verify it, I googled the pronunciation and even made sure to listen to the googler translator guys say it before I could actually admit to possibly saying it wrong for like, ever. I always thought it was BAYSK. Kind of like bake. Who knew? Maybe I’m the moron. Shit.

  79. Jessica B

    OK, I must go on. I’m on a roll. PACIFICALLY instead of specifically, SUPOSUBLY instead of supposedly, FLUStrated or FUStrated instead of frustrated. OMG, I could smack someone when they say that. TOOSH for touché, DALLER for dollar and WARSH for wash. Somebody better stop me here. I’m out of control.

  80. Robin

    Folks also say New Braunsfels. Drives me nuts to hear that extra “S”. And my mom is also the worst at Mispronunciationitis!

  81. Jessica

    My step mother used to say Warshington, or do a load in the warsher, as well as libary, instead of library, my mom cannot say my fiance’s last name (Sahbaee–SAH-BA-EE) or various other ethnic words, and my friend’s daughter says aks, instead of ask. My boss slips up occasionally too but her errors are usually grammatical (like wrong verb conjugations).

  82. Jax

    Have you ever had “Philadelthia” cream cheese? My mom has, and my dad likes it on the sandwiches he buys at”Queezmo’s”(Quizno’s)!

  83. rootietoot

    My mother in law (bless her heart) rarely pronounces anything right. We have learned to use big words,just to hear her version later.
    Catawba (that Southern tree with the orchid-like flowers)-Pawtonkin
    Semolina (a flour I use in bread and pasta)-seminolian
    and the standard ‘nookewler’ (nuclear) and ‘hairicane’ (hurricane)
    oh, and ‘popslickers’- those frozen treats on a stick.

  84. rootietoot

    Oh! And then there was the fellow who worked with my husband. He came to our house and said “Oh cool! you have a simonized cat!” This is the same fellow who had a laboratory receiver dog.

  85. fiveogrrl

    My mom says ROLL-EEEE-Coaster. lmao and WINDUH for window, Yellah for yellow….ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
    I work with a guy that says Cuddie-sack for culd-e-sac, jinniecullijist for gynocologist, Haaaaarse for horse, Jerrrjahh for Georgia, omg, we laugh when he talks.

  86. fiveogrrl

    AND, I can still hear the Kenny Karden commercial in my head. Kennnnnnnnnnnnnnny Karrrrrrrrrrrrrden, the young I D E A! (clothes for is you wanted your ass kicked at recess).

    • The Bearded Iris

      OMG – I totally remember those commercials now!! YES! And oh hell no, I would never wear that shit to school! My mom only dressed us like that once a year when we went to church for Easter. (Creaster alert.)

  87. Kristin @ What She Said

    I’m so glad you opened the comments for this one! My mom says “tah” for “tar.”

    “Don’t get the *tah* on your feet, now!” she always used to tell me. What the frack? It’s a three-letter word with an “R” on the end of it – how hard can it be to say? But no matter how many times I correct her, it still comes out “tah.”

    Then again, I’m not one to talk considering that up until last week I thought “marnier” (as in Grand Marnier) had three syllables.

    “Eat a Mommy” CRACKED me up.

    • The Bearded Iris

      CLASSIC! Mmmmm, Grand MARN-ie-er. 😉

      Is your mom from Boston? WTH?

  88. Ninja Mom

    Hey, lady. Thanks for the lovin’ up in he-yah.

    In fairness, to me, not my mom becuase tough toogies lady, I can pronounce fajitas. Fa-hee-tas. I needed to clear up any concerns about my Mexican restaurant ordering prowess. I can order a mo’-fo’ right out of their sombrero.

    Now, I probably mispronounce stuff, but I’m more likely to avoid words I’m uncertain of, like naivete. WTF is with that word? Naive-tay? Naive-uh-tay? According to Dictionary.com: BOTH. Well, how does that help a bitch?

    So, instead of using naivete, I say “dopey.”

  89. Mary Lou

    OMG! I can ‘t believe I forgot this one. ” Masturbate” instead of “exacerbate”. For real. In the boss’s office. By the boss.

  90. Stephanie

    I live in Georgia, so there are MANY people suffering from mispronunciationitis. I could be here all day. I’ll refrain and only mention 2 that are unusual, even for Georgia. My grandmother used to call Iowa I-o-way. We lived there when I was a kid and she told everyone we had moved to I-o-way. A coworker refers to overweight people as being obeast (obese). I thought it was just a slip of the tongue the first time I heard her, but no. She used it regularly.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hilarious! I’m in Georgia too, so I hear you loud and clear. OMG, your grandmother! LOL!

  91. Nicole

    So I just want to start by saying, that this is the first time I read this blog, I happened to see it in the sidebar somewhere else and since mispronunciationitis is a huge pet peeve of mine, I just had to read this. I love words so to me, this is great!

    I am from Boston, so I won’t even get into the fact that every time I watch a movie or TV show that is based out of Boston and watch some actor butcher our accent, (I swear I do NOT talk like that!) I cringe. (I can not watch Good Will Hunting, really Ben and Matt, you do not really talk like that, I have seen you in interviews. And don’t even get me started on Robin Williams) I do actually park not pahk my car not a cah.

    Some friends and I were actually just having this conversation not too long ago and some of the favorites were:
    hoss instead of horse
    fahk instead of fork
    and my husband who is the biggest offender (I really feel like I am constantly correcting some word) granGulated garlic and viniKar (he is a chef to boot)

    I am sure there are more, but I am out of coffee and my brain needs a refill.
    Thanks for a great post!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Hi Nicole and welcome! Too funny about the Boston accent thing. We have the same issue in Pittsburgh. Some people have a really heavy accent that is HILARIOUS! (“Go dahn tahn and watch ’em Stillers an’ at.”) But not EVERYONE sounds like that. I don’t. My mom doesn’t. But some of my relatives? Yup. I always wondered if the Boston thing was the same deal.

      Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  92. Mandy

    My mother-in-law pronounces words horrible. What’s really sad is that she is educated and reads a lot.
    She says Cambry instead of Camry. She uses a Swifter instead of a Swiffer. She eats Kwesadillas not Quesadillas. And, I won’t into how she butchers peoples names. And it doesn’t matter how many times we correct her. She still does it.
    Bless her heart.

  93. preciousJem

    Both my parents call Montreal Mont-REEL. It drives me nuts. They’ve also taken to pronouncing the word blossom as BLOW-some. The worst and scariest part is that they will argue that those are the correct pronunciations. I know they didn’t used to speak this way, so I’m worried because they are both in their mid to lade 50s and that this might be some kind of age-related neurological issue. My dad is much much much worse but the fact that they are similarly afflicted and support each other in this rubbish is scary to me.

  94. Sherrie Sherrie

    I’m dyin’ ova here! Too funny. Both my mother and my dear friend Holly are stricken with mispronunciationitis. Really unfortunates cases indeed. Sad.

    Combine the sound you make when the Doc asks you to “stick out your tongue:” “Br” + say “aaaaahhhhhh = braaaahhhhh. Imagine shopping with your dear Mother getting your first trainer (embarrassing enough) and her announcing very loudly for all at Sears and Roebuck to hear that you need a new “braaaaahhhh.” Pardon me while I go hide under a clothing rack. Another classic Momism is “Juan.” Not the cute Mexican boy who perhaps bagged our groceries… but, you know, like they “Juan” the game or who “Juan” the game. It’s “won” Mom. “Won.”

    Holly is special case and mispronounces and misuses most words. We have come to love this about her and we all affectionately call her “our special friend.” I have created a phonics course just for her and am proud to say that do to my tutelage she can now say “sushi.” It took some time but she went from “shoe-she” to “Sue-she.” Patting myself on the back. I did good. Really good! 😉

    • The Bearded Iris

      Too funny! Holly and my Mom should go bowling. My mom says shoe-she and sha-see-me. Hilarious!

      • Sherrie Sherrie

        The first inaugural “Fun with Phonics” Bowling Night. I’ll get on this!! I haven’t heard Holly attempt “edamame” yet. I won’t forget the Depends that day… incontinence and mispronunciationitis seem to go hand in hand… at least for me they do. 😉

  95. HouseTalkN

    When my husband said that he was going to stop at the local grocery, my mother said: “Oh, no. You don’t want to shop there- they will jack you off!”
    Before I could explain that my mother meant “they will rip you off”, my husband was burning rubber out of her driveway.
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

    • The Bearded Iris

      Bwhahahaha! He’ll be shopping THERE every day now. I hope he remembers to get OFF. 😉

      • The Bearded Iris

        WHAT? I’m talking about bug repellent!

  96. Michelle

    First of all, I am recovering from herni surgery and I about busted a gut reading this! I cannot NOT comment about my mother-in-law who does not get mammograms, but gets mammy-ograms. As in Gone With the Wind Mammy?

  97. Robyn

    My pet peeve is people pronouncing jewelry as jool-ery.

    P.S. Thank you for the laugh/cry/almost-falling-out-of-my-chair moment. I needed it today. Robyn

  98. HouseTalkN

    I loved this so much that I was inspired to make a vlog of the “Funny Shit Mom Says!”
    Our moms would be a great team!
    Kerry at HouseTalkN

  99. Cynthia

    Just found your blog. Here’s my contribution: my dad waRshes the car and drinks sodY pop . Former boss says suposably (hate, hate, hate that but I could not risk correcting her). My mom will graV a sanGwich for lunch (to be fair, english is her second language). MIL doesn’t have any, but we disagree on the meaning of LA (Los Angeles to me, lower Alabama for her). Anyway, you have a new follower. 🙂

  100. Jaimielynn

    My mother has mispronounced ‘tortilla’ and ‘Italian’ as long as I can remember. It’s always ‘EYE-tay-lee-un,’ like an alien landed in the delicious land of pasta. And ‘tor-TILL-ee-uh.’ OMFG mother! You worked at Taco Time in high school!

    And my husband says ‘volumptious’ to describe a curvy woman. Really? Where’s the ‘m’ come from, babe? He also says ‘ant-ANN-uh’ for antenna. Drives me bonkers.

  101. Linda G

    /raises hand timidly/
    How do you pronounce penne? I use pen-nay or penny pasta interchangeably.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Ha! Thank you for being brave enough to chime in here, Linda! I *think* penne is pronounced PEN-nay. At least, that’s how I say it. My husband’s family is 100% Italian and they call all the shapes of pasta “macaroni.” It doesn’t matter if it’s rotini, shells, linguini, ziti, etc.; it’s just “macaroni.” Maybe that’s the answer. 🙂

      • Linda G

        Whew! I do say PEN-nay. I was trying to say pen-NAY in my head and couldn’t do it in conversation. How does she do it?!

        I agree, macaroni (or ‘roni, as my 2-year-old says it) is easier. I generally go with that or “pasta” so my kiddo always knows she’s going to like what’s coming.

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