A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Weekly Wrap Up

I pretty much feel like I’ve been beaten with a sock full of nickels this week. The combo of trying to recover from the extreme highs and lows of my first BlogHer conference and then putting my baby on the school bus for his first day of Kindergarten has really just knocked the wind out of me.

At least I was wearing comfortable underwear for most of the week.

But on a positive note, my faith in the power of prayer was restored this week because I received phone calls from the TWO elementary teachers I was praying my children would get. What are the odds of that? And I would like to apologize to the one whose hearing is probably forever compromised due to me screaming HALLELUJAH and THANK YOU BABY JEEEEZUS into the phone when she broke the news to me.

Speaking of which, some of you may be wondering how Bucket Head fared on first day of school. (And thank you for thinking of us. I felt your virtual hugs, I really did.)

Well, when he jumped off the bus, the first thing he did was shout “It. Was. AWESOME!!!” Then he ran as fast as he could into my arms. (I put the camera down so I could gobble him up.)

Thank you, God.

Because honestly, if he had gotten off that bus with tears in his eyes saying how much he hated it? I would have probably scooped that boy up and cooed, “Don’t worry honey, you never have to go back. We’ll just homeschool you until you go to college, m’kay Pookums?”

But then I’d never get to hear his teacher call me to report that he is “just the cutest thing” and “so sweet” and that “he made friends and was helpful and courteous” and all those other things you hope to hear from a Kindergarten teacher on the first day of school.

And also that he sculpted a butt out of Play-Doh during center time.

So there’s that.

At least it wasn’t a life-size pair of butthangers.

Which brings me to my favorite tweet of the week. Look what Rebecca of Frugalistablog‘s son was served at lunch this week while they were on vacation:

Hubba hubba. Where to begin?


So. Distracted. Can’t. Think. Straight.

Well here’s hoping the coming week will bring us all more laughter than tears; and extra large portions of long, flesh colored, cylindrical processed meats. Wait. What?

I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank the kind and savvy ladies who have purchased ad space on my side bar this month. I sure do appreciate their support and hope you will show them some love by clicking on these here lovely buttons and checking them out!



If you would like more information about advertising on The Bearded Iris, please click here. Thank you!

Yours truly,


  1. Rebecca

    That is so sweet of you to include my son’s schlong dog from lunch!! I’m so glad dessert wasn’t some sort of labia pudding cup or something.
    Glad Bucket head had a good first day.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Bwhahaha! “Labia pudding cup…” I’m pretty sure I’ve seen those on Pinterest. No, thank YOU for tweeting me that picture. I’m so touched that you think of me when you see something like that. Can I put that on my resume in the skills area?

  2. AlexandraFunFit

    A. Buckethead is adorable.
    B. I will now have nightmares about hot dogs. thanks a lot.

    • The Bearded Iris

      A. Thank you. I made him myself (fine, with a little help).
      B. You’re welcome. Hey, it could be worse. Remember that little animated scene in Grease when they’re at the drive-in and the hot dog is jumping into the bun? It makes my sphincter involuntarily go into lock-down mode.

  3. Emma

    That should’ve been the lunch served at BlogHer. Between that and the swag electrical gadgets, NY would’ve been over run by a bunch of lady bloggers with ciggies dangling from their lips.
    Thanks for the shout out! 😉

    • The Bearded Iris

      My pleasure! Thank YOU for the sponsorship! 🙂

  4. L. Hewitt

    Yay for Buckethead! I’m visiting your awesome sponsors, while I comment, because I have mad computer skilz and I have a question, how does Posh want me? Do I join or buy? BRB

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh hooray! I’m friends with her on FB too, so if you need an intro, let me know.

  5. Mere

    Thrilled to hear Bucket Head’s first day went so well! Though I must confess I’m kind of dying to know how the Play-Doh butt sculpture came to pass. In lieu of that, however, I’ll settle for hoping you reach equilibrium again, and soon. Just remember: tears are nature’s way of saying, “Seriously? Fuckin’ SRSLY?” And women’s tear ducts, especially, have giant butt-hangers. (Which would make absolutely no sense in ANY context except for your blog. Congratulations. You’re your own idiom.) (With an “m”.)

    • The Bearded Iris

      Well, it was just Play-Doh time as usual, and apparently Bucket Head sculpted his butt and then was SO proud of himself (and so used to the female adult in his life oohing and aahing over everything he does, even inappropriate things) that he actually called the teacher over to SHOW HER THE BUTT!

      And bless her heart, because it was the first day and she didn’t want to crush his soul, she smiled and said something like, “Yep, that sure is a butt! Wow – you are a very talented sculptor! But let’s not make privates out of Play-Doh, okay sweetie? That’s not really appropriate for in the classroom.” And then she told me all about it (while giggling) when she called me to tell me about his day. I love her. I really really love her!

      And thanks for the well wishes for equilibrium Mere. I am grateful for your friendship!

  6. Kristen K

    Yay Buckethead! And I’m proud of you for not jumping on the bus and carrying him off!

    And where do you put the batteries in that schlong dog, and does it come in other colors?

  7. The Bearded Iris

    Right? Because I was pretty close to doing just that.

    I’m pretty sure that schlong dog is rechargeable. You just plug it in to your wall charger and listen to it hum. Try that and get back to me, m’kay?

  8. kimberley bischof

    Laughing way to friggin’ hard to comment with anything witty! Thanks for the laugh at the end of my day! Oh oh..here’s one- Freeze the schlong dog, so you can have some “Stiffie Time”(urban shlang)! Whoop Whoop

    • The Bearded Iris

      “urban shlang” — NICE ONE! That’s pretty witty, sister. Wish I had thought of that one.

  9. Motherhood on the Rocks

    awww…so glad he had fun! and the hot dog…umm…yeah.

  10. Abby

    HOORAY for positive school moments! Also, that’s one big wiener you’ve got there, friend.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Abby, you are totally looking at my wiener. Busted!

  11. Jane

    His teacher sounds great. I’m so excited for Buckethead. And for your advertisers- yeah!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thanks Janie! She really is the sweetest thing. And people tell me that she and I look like sisters (because she wears big funky glasses), so I feel like Bucket Head will not be missing me too much when he’s being loved on by her. Hooray! And double hooray for advertisers who help me defray the costs of blogging. LOVE THEM!

  12. Jane

    Sorry I spelled Bucket Head wrong…

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