A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Dress Code: Inappropriate

I’m over In The Powder Room today discussing my life long challenge with selecting appropriate attire.

I don’t know what it is about my inability to understand basic dress codes, but I have a special knack for always either over dressing or grossly underdressing for just about any occasion.

It’s a real pickle, let me tell you.

Because it is really hard to feel confident when people are tucking dollar bills into your dress at your cousin’s formal wedding.


And it’s equally frustrating to be continually mistaken for a hotel employee and/or someone who is not mentally competent enough to operate power tools in large crowded conference rooms.

The hell, dude?

I really don’t know why I didn’t make more friends at that there Haven Conference last June. Huh.

Anyheeeee. That’s just how I roll, I guess. Wait until you hear what I didn’t wear at my father’s second wedding. See you over there, m’kay?



  1. Lady Jennie

    Well at least you don’t stain your clothes. Seriously – that’s my gift. 10 minutes max before something is on my boob.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh no – that’s terrible! I definitely don’t ever stain anything, ever. Especially when I’m cooking or cleaning or eating or breathing. 😉

  2. Lisa Hewitt

    I like that outfit. I just need to send you my hoop skirt and let that be that. I want that Ryobi.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Please, how sweet is that saw?! I wish I had won that thing instead of the rechargeable inflator/deflator that is missing it’s charger. Mwah-wah-waaaaaaaah.

  3. Lady Estrogen

    It’s like you’re two different whores. I mean, people. 2 different people.

    LOVE those fishnets, by the way!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thanks! Me too. And they were just the special pop I needed to cement the whoooo-oooore look AND hide my leg veins & missing toenail. Because omg…maybe that’s why all those other ladies were dressed in full length ball gowns!!! BRILLIANT. I just totally had an epiphany.

  4. Mary Trunk

    You always make me laugh. What I seem to do fairly often is wear a red shirt in Target and then everyone is stopping me asking if I know where to get tampons or batteries or socks or cat food or bathroom cleaner. That’s super fun!

    • The Bearded Iris

      RED SHIRT IN TARGET! Bwahahaha! That’s classic. I’m going to have to try that one for fun.

  5. Heather Novak

    FAN tastic. I have a Wed post coming about what I wore. It was leopardy, you’ll enjoy. Cannot wait to see what you didn’t wear!

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