A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Last Chance to Share Your Crafty Whorishness

Tonight, at 11:59 PM EDT, we will officially close the Craft Whores contest.

“Contest? What contest?” you say?

OMG. Seriously? Don’t make me kick you in the baby maker, bitch.

This is only the single most incredible contest, like, EVER.

Fine. Here’s the CliffsNotes version for you Johnny-Come-Latelies or people with really poor reading comprehension:

It all started the day I showed The Suniverse my boobies and then she said “Bitch Please, Suck It.”

We wanted to find a way to share our mutual love of naughty crafts with our equally twisted good-humored readers, and thus, Craft Whores was born! You create a craft that is inappropriate, then you write a blog post about it and link it up for a chance to win our undying love and fabulous prizes!

I mean really. Cue the Louis Armstrong because is this a Wonderful World, or what?!

We now interrupt this broadcast with an urgent tomato boner:

Hello, gorgeous! I just needed a photo to break up all this boring text. Found that tomato in my CSA last summer and it was too fabulous to not share. As you were.

Where was I? Oh yes, prizes!  So good, they’re worth repeating:

  • A $100 Gift Certificate to We Shop at In The Powder Room
  • A $50 gift basket of craft supplies from Funny not Slutty
  • A $50 Gift Card from EdenFantasys to use on their site
  • A Viva La Deez Nutz painting and 3 Breathe Motherfucker magnets by Robin Plemmons
  • NEW!!! A $25 gift certificate from Subversive Cross Stitch
  • A sculpted vulva candleholder or nut bowl from Lady Estrogen
  • A vulva tissue box cover from Carrie at Uknit2
  • A “Hillblingy” Goblet from moi!
  • Our original Craft Whores cross stitch by my Internet wife, The Suniverse.

You can see photos of the prizes here.

Did you know we have celebrity judges? We do. They rock. Read about them here.

But most importantly, it’s not too late to get in on the fun! And based on the wide array on entries we have so far, the terms “craft” and “inappropriate” are clearly open for creative interpretation. Basically, you can’t go wrong, but if you could, the more wrong the better. 

The criteria on which your craft will be judged are as follows:

  • Best in Ho (overall best)
  • Most Anatomically Correct
  • Most Original
  • Best Effort by an Apparently Non-Crafty Person
  • Honorable Mentions 

So quit yer lollygagging and link-up! Or at least go and snicker about all the other twisted  crafts that 22 other brave souls have already posted.

Here’s where you go to link-up your inappropriate craft blog post and see the entries.

Special thanks once again to our wonderful corporate sponsors whose support, validation, and generous donations have made this venture even more fun for us all!

Craft Whores is proudly sponsored by: 

We Shop


PS – Several of you have asked us for a fun Craft Whores badge you can put on your own blog. Great idea! We will have one badge for participants and another for winners. Coming soon!

Winners will be announced next Thursday, September 27th.

With peace, love, and porcelain poonannies,


  1. Abbie Gale

    Dude, my sarcastic Easter egg isn’t worthy. I do think you will be getting a last minute entry from my girl I call, “Crazy Sarah” in my blog. You know, she is the one who collects bones. Cool chick. I passed this contest on to her and she is wrapping up her “entry.” She is so excited that she is STARTING A BLOG just to enter, (and because I told her people will read her insane thoughts if she shares them.)
    Anyway, I have to share…I am quoted by a reporter with CNN today. Ha! I only sound slightly off my rocker and that’s cool. My husband now knows I get Botox so he can think he is a genius because I am unable to make the, “You are a dumbass face” to him. I have to share… http://allthatmakesyou.com/2012/09/20/i-am-on-cnn-today/

  2. Julie

    I linked up my craft – have to say, it’s not obviously dirty. I’m a more sneaky-dirty kinda girl 😉

    It’s the paper cone wreath. Full of partial phrases that make it sound like a poorly written sex-filled romance novel. I found cock, tons of boob references, heaving, on top, rode hard, all wet, and other such fun phrases. And the best part? I used a Dean Koontz thriller to make the wreath! LMAO

    • Lady Estrogen

      Ain’t nothing wrong with sneaky dirty.

  3. Jen

    EASTERN TIME?!? Are you freaking kidding me? Crap monkeys. I better get off my butt and try to finish this thing! I totally just wrote a thing about being the queen of procrastination, too. Hopefully I can bring honor to my title. . .

    • Jen

      I’m hoping to at least win the “Best Effort by an Apparently Non-Crafty Person” award. I would have done better if I wasn’t so damn good at putting things off until the last second! Still super fun, and I really hope you do something like this again. I’ve got some amazing ideas, that I’m going to put together. Someday. . .

  4. CV

    Tomato boner! OMG you have got to check out the blog post I’m working on for tomorrow. I have JUST the tomato(s) to go with your boner!

    Wait for tomorrow!

  5. Dawn@LightenUp!

    What?!! We have to wait till Sept 27 to found out who the biggest whore is?

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