A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Does a Kegel a day keep the transvaginal mesh away?

I don’t honestly know. I just thought it sounded catchy.

Not that you want anything to sound “catchy” when you’re talking about vaginas, but you get my drift.


Can I start over?

(This is why I don’t do more sponsored product reviews.)

Starting over, NOW.

Hello lady friends. Do you or someone you love suffer from urinary incontinence or sexual dysfunction?

Then you might have weakened PC (pubococcygeus) muscles. These muscles are attached to the pelvic bone and act like a hammock, holding in our pelvic organs. The weakening of these muscles is a natural part of aging due to gravity, pregnancy, childbirth, and the axis of evil.

Don’t panic. You’ve got choices.

1.) Spend the rest of your life changing your bulky pee-pee pads or adult diapers every time you laugh or sneeze.

2.) Have surgery and hope the transvaginal mesh they use to hoist up your goodie bag doesn’t get recalled a few years later.

3.) Tone up your PC muscles with a regular Kegel routine.*

4.) There are probably other options, but I only have so many hours a day to devote to my vagina-related research.

I don’t know about you, but I’m totally going for the prize behind door number three, Monty. And I might possibly be the laziest woman on Earth, so that’s saying a lot.

Speaking of sexual dysfunction and laziness, this is my idea of “doing it doggie style.”

Sad but true.


I’d like to pause right here and remind you that I’m not a health expert in any way shape or form. Please do your research before embarking on any exercise or treatment program. 

I’ve been doing Kegels and teaching my friends about them for a long time, but I’ve recently suspected that my little “Kegel at stop signs and red lights” trick may not be enough to make a difference in my long-term health. Apparently that’s like doing three sit-ups during a Here Comes Honey Boo Boo commercial break and then going to refill your ice cream bowl.

Sorry, but I take my vagina more seriously than that, and you should too. (Your own vagina, that is—not mine. Thankyouverymuch.)

The folks at The Medical Center for Female Sexuality think Kegels are so important that we should be doing them for a minimum of 5-10 minutes every day! And they’ve created a way to help us do just that.

They sent me a copy of their Kegels Anywhere CD to review and I’ve been using it religiously for about two weeks.

The CD is designed so that you can gradually increase your workout as your PC muscles grow stronger. There is a four-minute Beginner Circuit, two five-minute circuits, and two ten-minute circuits.

Regardless of the amount of time you choose to devote to your daily Kegel workout, you can choose the type of background music to squeeze to: “Piano Dream” or “Smooth Jazz.” Personally, I prefer the “Piano Dream.” The “Smooth Jazz” tracks remind me of Kenny G and I don’t really want to be thinking about him when I’m rhythmically pulsing my lady junk. (No offense, Kenny G.)

The beginning of the CD has a very informative introduction. I think the voice-over artist speaks a little fast, but after you hear her spiel a couple of times, you don’t really need that part anymore.

One word of warning, take it from me and DO NOT listen to the Introduction or “How To Do Kegel Exercises” track in the car if your kids are with you. There’s a part when the speaker explains where the PC muscles are and suggests you can find them by “inserting a finger into your vagina.”

Long story short, Bucket Head is probably telling his Kindergarten teacher things like “My mommy does exercises with her bagina,” and “A bagina is like a pocket! You can stick things IN THERE! You shouldn’t stick things in your penis though. A penis is not a pocket like a bagina.”

(Sadly, that’s not even the weirdest conversation we had all week.)

Like any exercise CD, the voice-over guides you through each routine. The thing I like about it is that I can just follow her lead and not think about timing or repetitions. The five or ten minutes actually flies by and unlike my Jillian Michaels’ DVDs, I’m not looking at the clock and muttering a pox on her the whole time.

I’m pretty excited to report that over the past two weeks I have gradually increased my workout from the four-minute Beginner Circuit to the ten-minute circuit. A couple more weeks of this and I’ll be able to open beer bottles with my lady cave. I just don’t want to bulk up my vag muscles too much; that could lead to my vagizness wearing a muscle-tee at the gym and pounding protein shakes between reps. I draw the line, you know?

Please visit the website of The Medical Center for Female Sexuality for more information about Kegels or to purchase your own Kegels Anywhere CD.


*Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, and this is a sponsored post. Please do your own independent research before choosing a treatment plan for your aging lady bits. I also will not be held responsible if we find out ten years from now that Kegels are the Anti-Christ. I’m just sharing a potential resource. What you do with that information is up to you. 


  1. Arnebya

    Sometimes I want to start conversations with strangers with, “Hi. I’m doing Kegels right. now.”

  2. Elliot Azzam

    That would be a great thing to have as a downloadable mp3…cause one thing I don’t need is a CD package (I said “package) lying around that I have to explain…

  3. Robin

    OK, here is some TMI… would you believe that there is actually physical therapy for the vajayjay? I know, I’ve done it…thank God I got a female. Not going into details right now but the point I wanted to make is, she told me it is important to know how to tighten AND release properly, if you do not relax properly after tightening, you can cause other problems. I didn’t probe her for the “other” problems, but I sure as heck made sure I learned to relax the muscle properly. Wow, the difference it makes in not peeing yourself or having to go so often; the sex much better too…just sayin!

  4. Jen

    Okay – who the hell is paying you to write about your vagina and where the eff do I sign up?!? Because that is AWESOME!

    Also – My girlfriend called me the other day and asked what I was doing. My answer was Kegels. She wan’t sure what the hell that was (no kids – go figure), so I had to explain to her that I like to keep my junk tight so that the next time I go to a midget wrestling show I can get in the ring and pin those little fuckers down. Last time I went, one of them put my va-jay-jay in a headlock and I ended up spilling my drink. NO FUCKING BUENO, MIDGET!
    Who would have thought that my desire to pin down midgets with my vag would also double as a way to get away without the adult diapers for a little longer? I mean – I always wear them when I’m stalking people from the tree outside their window, but…wait a minute. Never mind. Hooray for unintentional multi-tasking!

  5. Lisa Hewitt

    I’m going to click the link. I’m skeert, but I’m going to click it. Is this part of cross-fit? Is it vagina day on the internet? It’s always vagina day here, but seriously…..vagina everywhere today.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Don’t be afraid to click the link. They’re a nice organization dedicated to the sexual health of women. Nothing scary! I promise I wouldn’t do that to you!

      • Lisa Hewitt

        You know I was kiddin. I ain’t skeert. It’s a good place and they have a very nice blog too! And a newsletter. You find the best stuff for us. MUAH!

  6. HouseTalkN

    You are the Vagina Whisperer…thank you for looking out for our lady bits.

  7. otp gal

    oh, this is the best post ever! love it.

    thanks for discussing and teaching us to take care of our vajaja’s muscles.

    you’re not afraid of anything, are you?


  8. Lady Jennie

    In France they pay for you to have perineum therapy. Heaven forbid a partner should be unsatisfied sexually because his wife has lost all of her firmness. So the government health care is all over that.

    They pay for ab re-ed too. Not that you could tell from looking at me, but they do.

  9. Chloe Jeffreys

    Hello soul sister! I’m glad somebody else is out there dishes the dirt on the vagina. Our vaginas deserve the best.

    I also take my vagina damned seriously because it really is the one organ that has never led me astray. Okay, that was a flat-out lie. In truth, my vagina has very bad judgment, but she sure knows how to pick a good party.

    That all said, I did one year of physical therapy before I went for the surgery. I don’t have mesh. It was the most difficult decision I ever had to make. And the recovery was from HELL! But now six months out I couldn’t be happier.

    Honestly, if my uterus hadn’t decided to keep up and bleeding profusely I probably wouldn’t have had the surgery. but now that I have I don’t regret it. But it truly is a serious decision and I advise people to always see physical therapy first before embarking on a surgical course of treatment.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thanks Chloe! So nice to meet a kindred vagina whisperer. I love the idea of physical therapy for my goodie basket. That sounds like way more fun than going to the gym.

      Seriously though, glad your vag is on the mend that all is well. You sound like a great resource for all things lady business related and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better!

  10. baileyb_insd

    I wish I had my adult pee pad on now, my little pocket doesn’t have the strength to laugh that hard! You’re exercises are quite inspiring though and I for one would save that little tid-bit next time you need a party trick! That beer is pretty tasty, eh?!?

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