A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Do I have lipstick on my teeth?

Look, we’ve been friends for a long time, right?

Five years to the day, to be exact. (I know, right?!)

And you’d tell me if I had lipstick on my teeth, wouldn’t you?

Leslie Has Lipstick on Her Teeth2

You would! I know you would. Which is why I like you so much. And I’d totally do the same for you. We’re cool like that.

So now that we’ve got that out of the way, I have a big announcement to make. Two big announcements, actually:

First, I am completely giddy to announce that I am the editor and co-author of a brand new humor anthology by women, about women, published by my amazing team at In The Powder Room. (Mad props to Di, our CEO, and Kim, our Social Media Manager, for their incredible hard work and brilliance.)

ERMAHGERD I edited a book

You should buy one. Actually, buy a few. Makes a great gift!

This future best-seller* features 39 absolutely awesome short stories by some of the wittiest female writers I could wrangle. And I’m not just saying that because I wrote one of the chapters. (It’s about my boobs. Of course it is.)

(*This is me, using “The Secret” to let the Universe know my intentions. I’ll let you know if it works.)

Truthfully, creating this book has completely consumed me for the last few months, and I could not be more proud of the results. In fact, releasing it into the world today was an awful lot like giving birth, a comparison I have detailed in my column In The Powder Room today. (Spoiler alert: poop and swearing.)

Anyhoo…

So that’s what I did my summer vacation.

Which brings me to big announcement number two:

(Heh heh heh, I said number two.)

My children returned to school today. And I’m truly grateful… not for my own selfish reasons (entirely), but because those poor little lambs have totally raised themselves this summer while I devoted myself night and day to every little phase of this spectacular book. So, I’m thrilled for them that they can finally stop trying to kill each other and put their brains back into use. Yay kids! Go forth and learn stuff!

Actually, if I’m being totally honest, today is a little bittersweet for me. I am finally out from under the weight of this enormous project and *should* theoretically have a little breathing room to do things like, oh, I don’t know, play a rousing game of Uno or go to the pool and actually swim with the kids instead of checking email and proof reading manuscripts, but it’s too late… they are gone. 

Yep. Just go ahead and cue up Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle.”

{Sniff.}

Oh God. I’m sorry. It’s not like me to be so sappy… I think I’m just in that touchy post-partum phase. Look away. Nothing to see here.

You know what I need? A nap. And some more coffee. And to go smell the pages OF MY NEW BOOK!

You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth the book delivery by The Bearded Iris

Happy feelings back!

You know you want some of this. Click the picture below and all your dreams will come true. Or all my dreams. Details.

You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth via @InThePowderRoom #ITPRLipstick

 

46 Comments

  1. Lady Estrogen

    SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!

    I’m gonna have to give my UPS guy a friendly smack on the butt in those little brown shorts when he delivers mine 🙂

    • The Bearded Iris

      I bet he’ll love that, Lady E! Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  2. Bethany @ Bad Parenting Moments

    I’m so thrilled for you and so honored to be a part of this. Thanks for helping make my dreams come true. Also, can you make school start 3 weeks earlier for me? That would be swell.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Yes I can – just move down here to Georgia! Easy peesy.

      Thrilled to have you in this book, Bethany. Thanks for being such a ray of sunshine and so easy to work with!

  3. Abby

    Thank you again so much for your hard work. I was so excited to put up a post today, as I’m humbled to be included with such hilarious and talented women–you included. Now enough freaking mush. I don’t do mush. Instead I’m going to wait for the UPS guy to show up and hope he’s hot so I can hump his leg, per your suggestion.

    • The Bearded Iris

      I think that’s why they wear the shorty shorts…easy to wipe off the admiration.

      And no mush, it’s a deal. But your essay brought me so much joy and so many memories from the days when my brother and I would point and giggle at the “Where Did I Come From” book! Thank you for that!

  4. Colleen

    very cool!!! I’ll watch for it at Barnes and Noble so I can put it on my Nook!!

    • The Bearded Iris

      It should be available very soon for Nook via Smashwords, Colleen. I’ll keep you posted! Thanks for the interest! 🙂

  5. L. Hewitt

    CONGRATULATIONS! (I’m a little weepy myself). You. Go. Girl. MUAH!

    • The Bearded Iris

      ME TOO. Random teary outbursts all day yesterday. WHAT THE HELL. Postpartum hormones, I’m sure. Thank you for being here, there, everywhere. You are such a trooper Lisa! Love you girl.

  6. Famous SpokesGoat Pricilla

    Congrats! Wrote a blog post about you: http://www.brokenteepee.com/2013/08/ruminatin-on-friends.html

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thank you so much Pricilla (and Patty, because I know goats can’t type). I am truly humbled you would take the time to write that! Nora has such good taste in friends.

  7. Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

    Wow, you are amazing! I am so honored to be a part of your project because this book is dripping with humor and well-turned phrases! And awesome, let’s not forget awesome. But holy crapapples, they sure go back to school early in your parts. Boo. Ellen

    • The Bearded Iris

      I know! It’s a mixed blessing, for sure.

      Thank YOU and Erin for your fabulous essay about life in our 40s. You two NAILED it. “Holy Oil of Olay”! (Still giggling.)

  8. Alexis

    Congratulations! And while I haven’t yet had the pleasure of reading your soon-to-be bestseller, can I say the cover art is FABULOUS.

    Also I totally share your tears at the kids going back to school. When they were toddlers I dreamed of the time I could put them on the school bus and now that the time has come, it’s not nearly the happy party time I thought it would be. *sniff*

    • The Bearded Iris

      TOTALLY. Some days are harder than others. I’m sure I’ll get used to the glorious silence very quickly though! 🙂

      YES, thank you for the compliment on the cover art! I am in LOVE with the design and we really lucked out with a great designer, Lisa Knight at Designs Done Now. Found her through a design contest at 99designs.com. She’s awesome and really easy to work with!

  9. Teri

    So excited for you ladies!!! WAY COOL!!!!

  10. Sue Salisbury

    Wait..Wait..there needs to be book signing! Your my funniest friend that I never met and now I can add author! I don’t have any funny author friends!

    • The Bearded Iris

      Oh yeah, baby, there will definitely be book signings! I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for the support! 🙂

  11. Dani Ryan

    CONGRATS! Naptime can’t come fast enough. I’m ordering my copy this afternoon!!!

    • The Bearded Iris

      SWEET! Thanks for the support Dani!

  12. Heather Novak

    I obediently purchased the book. I expect to be peeing my pants laughing shortly.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Good girl. I definitely recommend emptying your bladder before you proceed.

  13. KBar3

    Fantastic! Heading over to Amazon to get a copy NOW!

    • The Bearded Iris

      This is why my uni-pened gecko and I love you so, Kari.

  14. Fiveogrrl

    Holy crap! Bitch. I want mine signed.!!!!!

    • The Bearded Iris

      I will sign anything you tell me to, Officer. Also, SWEET! I finally found a way to meet you!

  15. lisa thomson

    Congratulations, Leslie! This looks fantastic. I will be buying a copy for sure. Once when I met my 18 YO son at the airport, the first thing he said was “mom, you have lipstick on your teeth.” And then he laughed and laughed. Love it. I don’t usually have lipstick on my teeth or maybe I don’t have enough friends to tell me.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Well I promise, I will always tell you. It’s kinda my thing. Your son sounds like a keeper. Thanks for the support Lisa! Can’t wait to hear what you think!

  16. Anne Alexander

    Congratulations Leslie- can’t wait to read it!!!

  17. Carrie

    I’m not sure how many times I’m going to congratulate you, but just roll with me.

    CONGRATS!!

    You make life funnier and goodness knows the world needs more funny!!

    Love you and your lipstick!!

  18. Megan at declutterdaily

    I just bought 2! So proud of you!

  19. julie gardner

    I seriously can’t believe this book launched on the SAME DAY that you launched your kids back into school.

    You’re my hero because that’s more stress than I could handle in a month let alone 24 hours.

    Thanks for EVERYTHING you’ve done and for including me in your hard work.
    Words fail me.

    So I hope you just know.

  20. whencrazymeetsexhaustion

    Some of my favorite ladies all in one book? YES PLEASE! Congrats <3

  21. Angela

    I bought the book through a friend’s affiliate search and searched for your name instead of the title of the book. Because I think it’s awesome that one of my ‘friends’ is searchable on Amazon. Can’t wait for it to arrive!

  22. Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

    So excited for you and can’t wait to get a copy! By the way, cutest UPS guy ever!!

  23. Andrea @ Maybe It's Just Me

    How exciting! Congratulations!

    Maybe I should actually start wearing lipstick in your honor!

  24. Naptimewriting

    Heh heh…you said number two.

    Congratulations! Woot!

    Gonna go tweet the hell out of it, yo. Right after I buy one. See ya.

    • The Bearded Iris

      Thanks, sister. I was thinking about you when I made the snide buffalo comment on my ITPR post about self-publishing! 🙂

  25. Melissa

    It looks fantastic! I love the label “future bestseller.” Marketing genius, right there.

  26. Dawn@LightenUp!

    I actually read this yesterday, and didn’t comment then, but I wanted to thank you EVER SO MUCH for planting “Cat’s in the Cradle” in my head, causing me to make my kids to hug me, talk to me and hang out with me the entire day. They are also very grateful to you for this. 😉
    Thank you, thank you again for getting me involved with “Lipstick.” I am so pleased to be among such talent.

  27. HouseTalkN

    I love you so hard. Thank you for being our fearless leader!

  28. Estelle

    Excited to buy this book and read it. It’s important to laugh especially in the early year’s of motherhood. Sorry I didn’t meet you at BlogHer. We have a few peeps in common.
    Best and congratulations!
    Estelle

  29. Andrea

    Love! Can’t wait to read all the funny. Congratulations to you and your co-writers!

  30. Linda Roy

    Love that new page smell…aaahhh….can’t wait to smell the pages when mine arrives. And of course can’t wait to read it – yes! – of course! There will be reading involved with the sniffing…and laughing!

    Congratulations!!!

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