A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: circle of moms

My Top 5 Most Popular Posts of 2012

Good God it’s cold.

I need a laugh. How about you?

But I’m busy waxing cabinets today (not a euphemism) and thought it would be fun to look back on my most popular posts of last year.

Top 5 Popular Posts at The Bearded Iris in 2012


According to page views, here are My Top 5 Most Popular Posts of 2012:

ermahgerd blogher12 guidebook5.) ERMAHGERD: The Preparing for BlogHer’12 Edition

This post was written a few days before I flew my freak flag all over New York City for the BlogHer ’12 conference. Getting ready for a conference that big brings out the cray-cray in everyone, so it is no surprise that so many people stopped by to see me raising the bar on what to wear and how to behave. The comments are even more fun than the post…particularly because The Bloggess herself stopped by to say hello. Schwing!


Aw nuts button4.) Aw, nuts. Or, how puppies and testicles are related. 

Have a seat boys and girls and let me tell you the story of my sweet little Bucket Head and how he discovered his nutsack.  Actually, I’m surprised this one isn’t higher on the list because I honestly think it is the funniest thing I’ve ever written. If you are new here, this is THE ONE. Please check it out and let me know if you think it’s as funny as I do!


iris hospital2-13.) I put the FREAK in freak accidents

Not all freak accidents are funny, or have a happy ending, but I seem to have a knack for inflicting really stupid injuries on myself, and according to the comments on this post, SO DO YOU! Oh-em-gee, you guys are even klutzier than I am, and I adore you for it! Solidarity, yo!


pissed2.) I might have to change grocery stores after this.

If you have ever experienced the frustration of shopping with a four-year-old, well-meaning strangers who interfere with your parenting, or the soul-crushing disappointment of bait-and-switch gum ball machines, this is the post for you. If you are a humorless troll, this is also the post for you. Frankly, it’s not my best work, but it really raked in the page views because of the train wreck factor of the comment thread. Read the comments and marvel at the awesomeness of the parenting blog community who came to my defense against a few trolling a-holes.


Elf on the Shelf Dobbie on the crapper by The Bearded Iris1.) The Return of Dobbie, The Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf

Yes, Dobbie returned, and he was more ornery than ever. In fact he was so popular this year that I found several different citizens of Facebook cropping off my watermarks and claiming my inappropriate elfing as their own work. (Douche-waffles.) Sadly, Dobbie was not crowned one of Baby Rabies’ Top 11 Inappropriate Elves this year because the competition was just too stiff and I did not do a very good job asking for votes. Oh well, in my heart Dobbie will always be a winner.

Thank you for being here with me. You are the lead in my #2 pencil.

(Heh heh heh, I said #2.)


What do elephants, braces, poison, and poop have in common?

Is it over yet? This week, I mean? Geez Louise, I thought it would never end. I’m completely spent.

Which reminds me of a joke…

Q: What do you do if you’re stuck inside an elephant?

A: Run around until you’re all pooped out.

Go ahead, share that with the little ones, just give me credit or I’ll hunt you down and give you an atomic wedgie with a side of Texas Pete.

So, yeah, I’m pooped. My family and I have spent the last two weeks taking care of all the appointments we’ve been dodging for that last several months.

Had the carpet cleaners here on Monday. That’s no small feat. All the tidying up and furniture moving alone is more physical work than I’ve probably done since The Pantry Weevil Invasion of 2011.

The cable guy stopped by to have his butt repeatedly sniffed by my dog while he repaired our phone lines.

And, in the past two weeks, we’ve been to see the orthodontist, two dentists, the podiatrist (twice), the pediatrician, the general practitioner, the hair stylist (hi Kristy!), and even a pediatric surgeon (that’s a post for another day).


Nature Boy, 12 years old, before and after braces.


That’s my boy. Oh my gosh, be still my heart (and not just because of the price tag for those braces). Love that kid. Totally worth it.

But I’ll tell you what, there is nothing like two weeks of solid check writing for co-pays and deductibles and down payments to make you appreciate your health. When Ben Franklin said “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” homeboy wasn’t playing around.

True, prevention is so much easier and cheaper than treating or curing an injury or disease, no question. But let’s face it, we only have control over so much of our lives.

Sometimes, no matter how good of a parent you are, your toddler is going to eat something they shouldn’t. And regardless of the truly outstanding job you did warning the girls in your scout troop of what to do if they come across a bear in the woods, it will not even dawn on you that all those caterpillars the girls are “petting” could be poisonous!

camping with kids? don't pet the caterpillars!

But never fear, my pretties! I have a great tip for you on how to be more prepared the next time you are faced with an accidental poison or allergic reaction related emergency!

I wrote an article for Circle of Moms called “This Mom Hack Could Save Your Child’s Life!” (catchy, right?) and they liked it enough to feature it as one of their RoundUp articles last month, which is very exciting. They changed the title though to “Why I Have Poison Control on Speed Dial,” so, spoiler alert…you already know the punchline.

It hasn’t deterred 103,000+ people from reading it though, which is pretty damn awesome. Hopefully it will save someone’s life. That would make my heart sing.

That is a good one to read all the way to the end, even if you get the whole “oh yeah, I should have Poison Control in my phone” moral of the story bit. I offer some really cool ideas at the end on how you can turn your cell phone contact list into your bitch.

Hey, the more you know.

Well that’s all I’ve got.

Stay healthy, my friends. Use your noodle to be prepared in case of an emergency. And don’t let any elephants eat you (without your consent).

Have a great weekend!

-Leslie (aka “Iris”)

PS – My blog comment section is closed for the summer, but I’m still loitering pretty frequently on Twitter and Facebook if you want to say hello! :)

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