Weddings are my Achilles heel, my Kryptonite.

Remember that viral YouTube video from two years ago of the wedding party dancing down the aisle? It makes me weep uncontrollably.

I’m talking about The Ugly Cry, people.

And I’ve watched it at least 30 times. Yes, I alone am responsible for at least 30 of that video’s 65 million views. That’s a lot of tissues. And a lot of lying to my children about why Mommy is so sad. “I’m not sad, guys. I’m happy. See how much fun those people are having at their wedding? Isn’t that wonderful?!” (Sob, sniffle, drip, wipe, repeat.)

Watching those people dance down the aisle with such unabashed joy just reminds me of all the family tension, mistrust, and resentments that clouded my special day fourteen years ago.

And the wound is deep. I can’t even hear stories about wedding planning without being instantly transported back to that time and all the things I wish had been different.

So today, after watching Kate and William give each other their troth, I’m feeling a bit melancholy.

But God dammit, I’m tired of feeling so sad about weddings. And I’m sick of reliving all the what-ifs and regrets and anger at the people who behaved so selfishly and sullied my special day. It’s time to move on. Starting today, I’m going to forget about the dysfunctional parts of my wedding and just focus on the good. New mantra: out with the jive, in with the love.

On that note, please allow me to present (my own slightly different approach to) this week’s Listography

Five things I would not change about my wedding:

1. First and foremost, the man I married. I have loved that man from the first moment I laid eyes on him and I would marry him again any where, any time, any way.

2. The gorgeous chapel and grounds at Mills College in Oakland, California.

3. My husband’s family. Particularly my six sisters-in-law who instantly enveloped me with love and friendship that continues to this day. As long as I live I will never forget how they formed a circle around me at my reception and danced and sang “We are family! I got all my sisters with me.”

4. The cake. Not only was it delicious, but it was topped with the antique cake topper that my in-laws used for their wedding in 1952.

5. Our first dance. My husband chose the song, Tupelo Honey by Van Morrison as a wedding gift to me. So sweet and romantic, that man.

Ahhhhh, that’s better. What a difference a little attitude adjustment makes! I have almost totally forgotten the fact that some of my “friends” dropped me from a height of 7 feet onto my back during the traditional Jewish Chair Dance that I did not request at my non-Jewish wedding.

Shit. Now I’m mad again.

Well, congrats Will and Kate. I hope none of the assholes at my wedding were invited to yours.

Cheers!

-Iris

© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.