A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: Facebook

When Facebookers Attack

We’ve all seen it a million times by now: people who hide behind the veil of technology and fire off nasty, rude, or judgmental comments via social media.

But there is something about Facebook in particular that seems to bring out the worst in some people.

I hearby christen them: Facebitches.



Yes, with the Back-to-School season upon us, I’ve been noticing an upsurge in mom-on-mom digital aggression. Apparently The Mommy Wars are alive and well on Facebook.

If your replies or comments on other people’s Facebook posts sound like any of the following, you might be a Facebitch:

The Mother Superior. “That’s why I chose to homeschool/private school/public school, so my children won’t ever have to endure trauma like that.” How nice for you.

The Debbie Downer. “I’m sorry to hear about your child’s problems at school. My cousin had that . . . right before he took all those semi-automatic weapons up into that clock tower.” Thanks. I feel so much better now.

The Darwin Award Winner. “Thats not real. Them squirrels r totally photo-shopped into that toilet.” OMG, really? Like, duh. What gave it away? The Xs on the eyes?

The Turd in the Punchbowl. “That’s the least of your worries. The amount of hormones your children are ingesting through the water supply has already shortened their life span by decades.” Not helping. Shut the fuck up.

The Cat Lady. “This is what’s wrong with kids today. If I had kids, I’d . . . ” Bitch please. Try mothering a human child before you judge my parenting skills. Walk away before I kick you in the vagina.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Maybe it’s the act of communicating with typing fingers and thumbs instead of mouths and faces that creates this disconnect of civility, common sense, and respect.

Maybe this behavior stems from the fact that there is rarely any real consequence to leaving a rude comment on a public figure’s Facebook post.

Read Me In the Powder Room!

Whatever the reason, I’m sick of it, and I’m In The Powder Room today giving some of these Facebitches a piece of my mind. Come on over and let’s show them how it’s done.


The Bearded Week in Review

So, according to the news, “Hurricane Leslie was downgraded to a tropical storm as it was almost stationary in the Atlantic before moving north on a track past Bermuda.”


That about sums it up, right there.

Not that I’m complaining. Tropical storms are still powerful forces of nature. I guess I’d rather be a tropical storm than, say, a cold front or a high pressure system. Those are so boring!

And at least I’m not a Haboob.  Continue reading

You can’t beat THAT with a stick. Really. Don’t.

It’s summertime. Are your kids bored and cranky?

If they are doing things like this:

Or this…

Chances are, your kids are bored and/or undersupervised.

But fret not! Readers of The Bearded Iris Blog have banded together on Facebook to provide a cavalcade of suggestions for what to do to beat the summertime blues.

Mel of Arizona sends her little darlings to Grandma’s for the night when everyone needs a change of scenery (mostly Mel, I imagine.) Bless you, Grandmas of the world!

Kate, who valiantly restricts her kids’ total screen time to 1 hour per day has a rule that anyone who says they’re bored gets a chore. Not only does she not hear any whining anymore, but her kids are composing music… for fun! Kate, I’m not worthy. When you write your parenting book, I want a signed first edition.

Debi says “I gave my two younger kids a bag of 300 waterballoons today – they kept rather busy…..cheap entertainment.” Oh hells yeah. I like your style, Debi!

Lynn from Georgia wrote in that her four kids were scrubbing floors and baseboards yesterday. I love you Lynn. You are an inspiration to us all!

Kate, Ann, and I all employ the “you’re locked outside until further notice” technique. It works like a charm for small periods of time. Just make sure you provide drinking water and sunscreen so that the social workers will have less of a case against you when they arrive on the scene.

But my favorite idea comes from Mary Lou who writes: “Throw 99 pennies out across the yard. Tell them when they find the 100 pennies, they can come back in.” Brilliant!!! Apparently Mary Lou got that gem from some friends who use this trick when they need to score a little “private time.” To which Heather replied, “I’d only need 25 pennies for that.” Pretty sure I woke the dog with my cackling when I read that one.

How about you? What creative suggestions do you have for keeping your kids constructively entertained, out of your hair, and not in juvenile hall or emergency foster care? Let’s hear it!

fondly and with a criminal background check,


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