“Ask and ye shall receive.”

I asked you to tell me your most embarrassing freak accidents, and boy howdy did you deliver!

Love, love, LOVE all the great comments you left over the weekend!

I am not always able to respond to every comment personally, but please know that I do read every single one. I particularly enjoyed Colleen’s story about the mutant June Bug/unibrow/bike collision, Delilah’s postpartum fainting spell on the crapper showcasing her newly acquired crotch carnage, and Cynthia’s sewing table/nipple-pinch incident! Holy CRAP!!! I’m pretty sure my unibrow, nipples, and taint are all crying right now in solidarity. But I think the freak accident tale that touched my heart the most was Lizzie’s curious childhood experimentation with weird inanimate objects. Lizzie honey, that is TOTALLY the kind of thing I would have done (and probably did) as a child. Bless our hearts!

So thank you all from the bottom of my vaso-challenged vagus nerve for your awesome stories and well wishes. You definitely made me feel like less of an isolated dork and more like a member of a wonderful community of accident prone freaks from around the globe. I love you guys.

Also, thanks to your awesome comments, I learned some important first aid tips! (Thank you Peg and Kat1e!)

Apparently, my husband and I did everything wrong when he found me face-down on the bathroom floor last week: he moved me (my back and neck are still sore), we didn’t call 911, I took 4 Advil, and I went back to sleep.

Luckily for me, this tale did not end on a tragic note. If my neck/head injury had been any worse, any one of these responses could have permanently maimed or killed me.

But let’s use my experience as a learning opportunity. Someday, you or someone in your vicinity may faint or bump their head. Learn what to do before you find yourself in such an emergency!

As my gift to you, I have combed the Internet for the most clear and concise first aid tips related to my recent injury.

If someone faints, here’s the proper way to respond (according to the Mayo Clinic, which is much more reliable than the Mustard Clinic, aka Poupon U, for health related questions, in my humble opinion).

Head injury? Here’s what to do.

Got bruises? Do this.

I think the main first aid tip I take from this incident, other than trying to stay more hydrated on a daily basis, is that if you suspect a brain injury or concussion:

…use acetaminophen (Tylenol, others). Avoid other pain relievers such as ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, others) and aspirin, as there’s a possibility these medications may increase the risk of bleeding. (from Mayo Clinic: Concussion)

Now let’s be careful out there. And educate others so they don’t accidentally paralyze you while they’re trying to save your mildly dehydrated life.

And for the love of God, never stick a toilet plunger to your belly, or jump for joy while you’re on the steps, or lean over the mixer with your long hair, or step on a banana peel.

I would miss you if you died a violent sewing table malfunction/nipple-pinching related death!

That is all.

-Iris