Do you like a good underdog story? Then please “like” The Bearded Iris at’s list of the Top 50 Mom Blogs.  Three months ago I was ranked at #891. Today I’m #10 (Hot damn!!!). Apparently there is a shortage of good vagina-related comedy in the blogosphere. Happy to serve.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled blogging…

pleated poppyA few weeks ago, after becoming fed up with my “frumpy old mom look,” I decided to put a little more effort into my appearance. As luck would have it, that same day I happened upon the What I Wore Wednesday meme, hosted by Lindsey at The Pleated Poppy. Funny how when the student is ready, the teacher appears, don’t you think?

My first two weeks were pretty hard and depressing. (See week #1 and week #2.)

First off, let me just say, I find it takes near heroic measures to be clean AND plucked AND have my hair done AND makeup on AND be wearing something that doesn’t embarrass my kids. Most days I can pull off two of these things, tops, but all five at the same time? Damn. That’s a lot to ask!

But this third week is going a little better! For starters, I took my friend Ann’s advice and bought some new undies. The right foundation garments make all the difference, ladies! Thanks to Ann’s endorsement, the ASSETS collection by Sara Blakely at Tarjay is my new BFF. I bought one of these last week, but I think I probably need one of these instead for better muffin-top management. Don’t fret, soft-centered gentlemen readers, there is a whole collection of Manx (man Spanx) too! Who knew?

I also bought myself a new pair of jeans. Another reader, Colleen, highly recommended the Levi’s Skinny Jean. I was hoping to firm up my jelly-belly a little before I bought anything new, but I thought maybe one new pair of skinny jeans would be just the ticket to feeling less frumpy. Colleen was right, by the way. They fit great (buh-bye camel toe!), they feel great, and they make me look much more put together than those grey cargo pants did last week.

This is me today. Same top, same shoes, totally different vibe:

Levi’s Skinny Jeans – Kohl’s
Ruffle top – Nordstrom (last year)
Boyfriend cardi – Brook’s Brothers (last year)
Mossimo Leopard flats – Target (last year)


Here’s how the rest of my week looked:  

at Mini-Me's Fund Run last Thursday

Striped tee – Target (last year)
Yellow tank – J. Crew outlet (2008)
Levi’s 501 jeans – Kohl’s (last year)

I’m posting this picture for three reasons:

1.) Check out my horrible unfinished master bathroom. This is what happens when a DIY project becomes a DWDITTDTM (Damn, why did I try to do this myself?)

2.) This is a cry for help. For the love of God, will somebody with some photography skills please teach me how to take a picture of myself?

3.) I’m wearing my favorite button-down shirt. It’s Foxcroft from Nordstrom…was a gift from my stepmom a few years ago. It’s wrinkle-free but doesn’t feel gross and synthetic. Love this shirt. I used to save it for church and meetings, but this week I decided to pair it with my regular old Levi’s 501 jeans. I liked it. I think I’ll do that more often.

So, I’m making some strides. But still, there are days when this is the best I can do:

another self-portrait the garbage bag in the background

At least I’m trying not to leave the house on those days anymore.

Okay, last one:

One more example of a self-portrait gone bad, but I wanted you to see the shrug I hand-knitted out of dead Muppets. It makes me look like a gay caveman.

Unless I have it on my head…




© Copyright 2011, The Bearded Iris.