A Recalcitrant Wife and Mother Tells All

Tag: the next martha

Craft Whores – Sponsors and Prizes

Just joining us? Here’s the scoop:

1.) The Suniverse and I are crafty mofos with dirty minds.

2.) We came up with an idea for a contest called Craft Whores. Get it? Like Craft Wars, but for sick twisted fun people!

3.) Then we introduced you to our awesome judges and established some ground rules: just make something inappropriate and blog about it!

Speaking of awesome judges, they deserve another hello-howdy! Click on their pretty faces below to follow them on Twitter and start buttering them up for judgement day.*

Jen: The Next Martha

Kathy: Crafty Chica

Robin: Balls to the Wall Y’all!






*Just kidding. We don’t endorse or condone bribery or extortion.

The official link up begins tomorrow (Thursday, September 13, 2012). It doesn’t matter if you link here or at The Suniverse. The linky tool will display your entry on both blogs. (Because we are frickin’ geniuses.) (Geez, I hope we can get that linky thing to work. GULP!)

There! You’re all caught up.

Now it’s time to meet our official sponsors and start drooling over our prizes! Oh yeah baby. That’s right. Shit just got fancy up in huuuur.

Craft Whores is proudly sponsored by: 

We Shop

WeShop is the hot new marketplace at In The Powder Room where bloggers, retailers, and shoppers all come together to make shopping social. Like going to the mall with your girlfriends, but you get to stay in your slippers and avoid those aggressive perfume pushers! One of our lucky winners will receive a $100 WeShop gift card! 




Funny not Slutty
features comedy created by female producers, writers, humorists, and comedians, including our own The Suniverse! FnS Original Productions have been featured by Funny or Die, BestViral.com, TVGuide.com, and Internet Video Magazine. They’ve donated an awesome gift basket of crafting supplies valued at $50!


EdenFantasys.com invites you to learn from others, share your experiences, and re-discover sex. They offer online shopping, a welcoming community, and a wealth of inspiring resources. One of our lucky winners will receive a $50 gift card to EdenFantasys.com! Bohm-chicka-wah-waaaaah!

But wait, that’s not all!

Other prizes include:

Original artwork by the incomparable Robin Plemmons (one of our judges!)


Who doesn’t need a crocheted Vulva Tissue Box Coozy?
Nothing says “God bless you!” like handing your vulva to a loved one
and watching them extract a tissue from it.
This masterpiece was handmade and donated by Carrie of Uknit2


Not to be outdone by Lady Estrogen,
who sculpted and donated this gorgeous multipurpose clay vagizness.
Has there ever been a more perfect nut bowl?


One of our lucky winners is going home with our original Craft Whores cross stitch designed and created by The Suniverse:


And this fabulous New to You “Hillblingy” Goblet
that I picked up at a local craft fair last year,
great for taking your hooch on the go!

 (Don’t worry, I’ma wash it out first.)

Remember friends, you do not have to be an accomplished crafter or artiste to participate!

Also, if you’re nervous about displaying something risqué on your family-friendly blog, I suggest you create a separate super secret blog page, tucked away somewhere sneaky, so that you can still play along, but not everyone who lands on your blog will get a face full of your decoupaged money shot picture frame, or what have you.

Let’s git biz-ay!

See you back here tomorrow for day one of the link-up!


Craft Whores – Meet Our Judges!

The countdown in ON!

One week ago today, my friend The Suniverse and I announced our fantabulous brainchild: Craft Whores!

Let’s review:

1.) You make a craft that is naughty or “inappropriate” in some way.

2.) You take pictures of it and blog about it.

3.) You come back here next week and link up your post.

4.) Three awesome celebrity judges will pick three winners.

5.) PRIZES! Naughty, naughty prizes. Oh yeah, baby. Details coming soon.

The official link-up begins one week from today: September 13-17.

So what are you waiting for? Get yo’ naughty craft on! 

Friends, you do not have to be an accomplished crafter or artiste to participate! In fact, I’m going to be disappointed if someone doesn’t submit a penis sculpture made entirely of uncooked macaroni, dried pinto beans, and dog hair. M’kay?

Seriously. Let your naughty imagination be your guide. Skills optional!

Come on. I know you’re a little twisted. If you didn’t think poop or vaginas were funny, you wouldn’t be here. It’s okay. You’re among friends! {secret naughty hand-shake}

Now as for those celebrity judges . . .

{Drumroll, please.}

Hold onto your hot glue guns and flesh-colored pipe cleaners, people. We’ve got Internet royalty in the hizzy:

(Confession: I just copied and pasted this next part from The Suniverse because I got tired and she’s clearly the brains behind this operation.) 

Bad. Ass.

 from The Next Martha.
Witty, pretty, and wise.
A crafter, sarcastic, and
a great dancer (according to The Suniverse, I’ve not yet had the pleasure. Yet, I say). 



She’s a doll. Truly.

 from Crafty Chica.
Awesome in so many ways, in so many media.
A crafter,
A writer, and
Sweet as pie.



Writes what you feel.

Robin Plemmons
 from Balls to the Wall, Y’all.
Who knows how to bring it,
An artist,
A writer, and
So giving.


(Still copying from The Suniverse. She’s awesome. Why reinvent the wheel?)

These brilliant, generous women have agreed to act as judges and decide who among you will be selected as being the CRAFT WHORES OF THE UNIVERSE.

No lie, people. This is a big deal. I can’t believe that they’ve agreed to soil themselves among us mere mortals, but they have and NO TAKE BACKS, O.K?

(This is me interjecting: Su, did you just say “soil themselves”? Because bitch, please, I don’t remember agreeing to work with encopretic judges. Oh crap. What have I gotten myself into?) 

Hi. It’s me again, Leslie, aka “Iris.”

So, I hope this answers some of your lingering questions and gives you the encouragement you need to play along, regardless of your skill level in the artsy fartsy department.

In fact, we haven’t really finalized the criteria for judging, so you never know . . . maybe there will be a prize for “Worst” or “Most Fucked Up” or “Scariest” or “Least Artistic.” We’re pretty wild and crazy you know. I’m just saying.

Please spread the word! The more the merrier!

With faith, hope, love, and hot glue,


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